Dean Miles is a fellow member of the Marshall Goldsmith 100 coaches group. Dean joins me in this special series where we dive into some of our philosophies about coaching and good living.
Join us in this episode of the Coaches Commonplace Book where we dive into the information that we have been consuming recently, what things we have been learning from that information, emotional fitness, emotional resiliency, and a bit about making money and influencing others as a coach.
Dean Miles [00:00:00] As things grow, they need to become more complex, but they don’t need to become more complicated.
Brilliant Miller [00:00:21] Mr. Dean. Miles, how are you today?
Dean Miles [00:00:24] Fantastic, Mr. Brilliant Miller. I think the official wardrobe for this show has to be black because you look amazing.
Brilliant Miller [00:00:34] Well, thank you. Good to see you again. Welcome back to what you’ve given us. A great name for the coaches, commonplace book.
Dean Miles [00:00:42] Yeah, I’m very excited about that. I’ve gotten some good feedback from the commonplace. Number two, I watched it myself. You know, I hear actors and actresses say that they don’t watch their own movies is the opposite of, in fact, I think merely seconds after you published it, I’m watching it. I was laughing. I’m like, we’re hilarious. All right.
Brilliant Miller [00:01:07] You know, they say that Kurt Vonnegut said to write for just one person. And he didn’t specify which.
Dean Miles [00:01:15] Maybe it was.
Brilliant Miller [00:01:16] Himself or ourselves. And if it’s even just you. I and I love Tim Ferris’s philosophy of, like, solve your own problem, scratch your own itch. Yes, you have that issue. Probably other people do, too. But really, for me, this conversation, although I’m really interested in a world where coaching is a realistic possibility for everyone. And that’s what the School for Good Living is all about. And that’s what this conversation is about. And hopefully, we can reach and serve coaches and leaders, selectors, people in the healing arts, and the leading arts with the things that we’re learning and practicing in. In our own lives, in our own works.
Dean Miles [00:02:00] Yeah. So good. Brilliant. I mean, just you saying that maybe one of these episodes will have to kind of go back and talk about what was the coaching moment that changed your life? Who was your coach? How did you find them? Why did you look for them? How did you decide upon them? And then what was the overall impact? Because I have two specific stories. I mean, I wouldn’t be who I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for two specific coaches. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:27] Yeah, absolutely. And that’s true for me as well. There are probably more than two for me. But this idea that we all get lost and we all and we can all use some.
Dean Miles [00:02:35] Good.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:36] At some points and both are sometimes the receiver of those things and we can be the giver of those things. So I love that idea. Let’s, let’s do that on a future conversation.
Dean Miles [00:02:49] Yeah. Deal.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:51] Okay, cool. Well, today, let’s start with the recognition that human beings are in full force. And just as we’re always, not always, not in every moment, but just as we’re consuming food and other substances, we’re consuming information, ideas, and content constantly. I’ve got a few things as I prepared for this conversation to share that I’ve been learning, studying, reading, using for enjoyment, or games that I’ve been playing. But I also would love to hear about you then. So what I’ve been watching, what’s been capturing your attention? Where have you been spending your precious focus recently?
Dean Miles [00:03:30] Yeah. One is just in preparation I would just become really mindful of what’s my morning routine. So usually I have one eye that’s open and one that’s attempting to open or that’s not is not really happy with the entire situation. And I tend to just do a quick glance. I do is the recommended Google articles. So all the things that I Google, it’s getting smarter and it feeds me certain things that I find entertaining. I go to CNN, I go to NPR.org, go to Wall Street. These are just apps on my phone and it’s looking at headlines is kind of going it gives me a feel of what have I missed now that we’re in a 24-hour news cycle? Sometimes that’s a good thing, or sometimes it’s a bad thing because you just don’t know what you’ve missed and how that’s going to mess with your day. But this week, what I’ve been doing, I went back and have had to reread Maverick. Now, if you’re familiar with this book by Ricardo Semler.
Dean Miles [00:04:29] Brazilian, fascinating story.
Dean Miles [00:04:33] Your father took over the family business. I mean, it was revolutionary then. It’s still revolutionary today where everyone picks their own title. Everyone picks their own salary. You come to work when you come to work and you leave when you leave. I mean, it’s like an assembly line. They made water pumps and whatnot, electrical pumps. And it was just high trust in people. You knew what we need to accomplish. And just kind of my word allowed for street justice that if someone picked a ridiculous amount of money as their salary, the rest of their group would be like, What are you doing? That’s absurd. You don’t add that much value going to ruin the good thing for all of us. Stop it and fix it. So I read this a long time ago. So just rereading that, that was really interesting. And then I just now realized some of these books don’t show up, you know, like this one, for instance, to this one man. Yeah. Spiral dynamics. Spiral Dynamics in Action by Dr. or Professor Don Beck. Are you familiar with this book? Brilliant.
Brilliant Miller [00:05:39] So it’s a isn’t this what Ken Wilber? Ken Wilber.
Dean Miles [00:05:44] I’m looking to see if his name is on this book.
Brilliant Miller [00:05:46] Maybe you think it’s something different but keep going.
Dean Miles [00:05:49] Yeah. So. So the idea of this, I’m trying to keep a note here somewhere, but it’s called humanity’s master code, and they’re just able to take all of human history and put it in these different stages and how we’re going up this spiral. I mean, so it starts off with you’re an individual, your own safety, your own survival, need water, need fire, need food. And then you go from this individual to a tribe, and kind of a concept to religion starts coming into play. Magic comes into play, too, because there was a full moon and all of the cows died. It was clear that we’ve upset some gods somewhere and then we keep going up this higher and higher knowledge. But what they started to realize is that in moments of like PTSD-type moments. So your loved one was on an airplane. This is morbid, but the crashes, even though you may be at a high knowledge space within this human code, within this dynamic, you will revert all the way back to what they call the beige color of just survival instinct. So for you to remember passwords, for you to be able to get on a plane, to get to where you need to go for the press releases, you’re just unable to do that. So it is more dynamic how we go up and down this complexity knowledge base. Really, really, really fascinating. And then my.
Brilliant Miller [00:07:17] Sorry. Just curious. I want to jump in. How did this book make its way to you? How did you find it?
Dean Miles [00:07:22] But a client mentioned it to me of just how he is noticing within his. It’s different. It’s a large, really large organization. They’re about a $7 billion company. And he finds within each department that each group has its own tribal customary where they are in this dynamic. From strong and religion to strong and science to strong and magic. And so just kind of realizing what’s the culture within each of these teams of departments and then how to communicate appropriately to what their driver is. I’d never heard of it and so started reading it. It’s really fascinating.
Brilliant Miller [00:08:02] Interesting.
Dean Miles [00:08:04] And then last. This is what’s coming up next week. It’s what the heck is P.O.S.? So there’s the entrepreneurial operating system. Yes. And so if you’re a coach and you haven’t read this book, you need to read the book now. Familiar with it? I just haven’t read it. Yeah, man. Is it? It’s a hot topic. It has been for probably a decade. You’re smiling. What do you like about it?
Brilliant Miller [00:08:29] You know, I’m familiar with Gene’s work a bit just because of my involvement in EO and the entrepreneur’s organization. And I am also the author of Traction and Write that I know, you know, many people, many business owners have implemented. And it’s made a huge difference. And while I don’t personally follow that system, the one that I do is that I have during the pandemic, I’ve kind of taken some time off markers and ideas and things like that. But I’m a huge believer, just as a witness of many other people. Those use Gene’s principles to great effect to grow their business and serve many people.
Dean Miles [00:09:12] Yeah. So good. So the last thing for me, what I’ve been listening to. I’m not sure how I found it. I am huge on Spotify. I love music. At the end of the year, Spotify will send you your statistics. I listened to over 1100 genres of music last year.
Brilliant Miller [00:09:31] I didn’t even know there were 1100 genres.
Dean Miles [00:09:33] I didn’t either. But I’m about to give you the the genre I’m currently listening to. You’ll see how specific it gets. I’m currently listening to French Spanish jazz coffeehouse music.
Brilliant Miller [00:09:45] Wow.
Dean Miles [00:09:48] That’s my that’s my vibe right now. That explains probably so much and so little. Oh, and I watched Top Gun. So after I saw you last week in Salt Lake City Broken, I went for an amazing four and a half mile or so walk. I went saw Top Gun and it was so good just the flashbacks from the earliest from the first movie. Really enjoyed it.
Brilliant Miller [00:10:10] Did you watch it in IMAX?
Dean Miles [00:10:12] No, I did not. But I still cried. I still cried.
Brilliant Miller [00:10:17] My wife and I my wife had never seen the original Top Gun. And so we watched that in preparation for going to see the new one, which we haven’t seen yet. But I hear. Yeah, I hear. It’s pretty amazing. And then hear there’s a part of the beginning where Tom Cruise, thanks you for coming to the theater. Did you see that part?
Dean Miles [00:10:32] Yeah. Yeah, it’s before the movie starts. I’ve never seen anything like it before.
Brilliant Miller [00:10:37] What was it like? What do you say?
Dean Miles [00:10:39] Well, one I mean, it just it it’s a low production, almost like as if it was done on the iPhone kind of a thing. I kid you not. It was a terrible last edit. You could almost talk that he’s maybe done it a couple of times, but that was probably the most unrehearsed, authentic version. They just said. I mean, this movie for you, the movie was meaningful to me. I wanted to make sure we did a good job. And I just hope you enjoy it.
Brilliant Miller [00:11:06] I don’t.
Dean Miles [00:11:07] Let me. Was very simple. I probably left some 15 seconds.
Brilliant Miller [00:11:11] That’s cool. All right. Well, thank you for sharing some of what you’ve been consuming and immersed in learning.
Dean Miles [00:11:18] Yeah. What about you?
Brilliant Miller [00:11:19] And there’s a lot, a lot for me right now. One is a book I’m really enjoying. It’s a book by a guy named Sam Carpenter called Work the System. Mm hmm. And it’s another book that I that I encountered through my participation in EO. But I’m just really digging this book because Sam is sharing this concept that. It’s so simple. It’s such a simple concept that our lives in the world are really nothing more than a series of systems. And if we’re not getting a result, we want or we are getting result, don’t want that somewhere. There’s a system involved. And if we find it and we.
Dean Miles [00:11:58] Tweak it.
Brilliant Miller [00:11:58] Or eliminate it or tweak it, that’s exactly right. That we can create a life that works for us, whether that’s wealth or whether that’s free time, whether that’s a fulfilling relationship. So I’m really enjoying and he’s sharing about 100 pages in right now, but he’s sharing from his experience of having run a business. And for 15 years he was working 80 to 100 hours, just burning himself out, fighting fires and just literally on the point of like collapse and exhausted and just couldn’t do it anymore. And when he knew that he couldn’t meet his expenses and he finally had this dark night of the soul, like it’s all over, you know? And he asked himself a couple of questions. And those questions opened up for him, the ability to see his situation from a new perspective. And that was the perspective of this is all systems. And if I correct the systems, I’ll correct, you know, my life. And then he sharing that and kind of universal ways that we can apply not just to business, but to our lives.
Dean Miles [00:12:57] Yeah, I really like that concept. I mean, the book First Break, All the Rules, it’s kind of coming back with a resurgence. I’m hearing more Gen Xers or Gen Zs or other talk about that. But breaking the rules doesn’t address the system of which I really like of. What this is reminding me of is to use it in your favor.
Brilliant Miller [00:13:20] Yeah, it is. And something I appreciate that Sam is saying. I did say Sam Carpenter. I hope I did.
Dean Miles [00:13:26] Yeah, you did.
Brilliant Miller [00:13:28] And he’s pointing out that most of the time, life works really well. Like like this is it is functioning. You know, groceries are on the shelves in the store. There’s gas in the in the pumps. The roads are paved. We’re we’re fortunate here, of course, in the developed world, but. You know, work starts and stops generally on time as determined by us or.
Dean Miles [00:13:50] By yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:13:52] Or basically and so forth, like these things that the majority of the world seems to actually work really, really well. But it’s the ones when it really is something that we don’t like or it’s surprising or upsetting that can make us feel like it’s not actually working.
Dean Miles [00:14:07] All that well.
Brilliant Miller [00:14:09] And so anyway, his his premise that life is biased towards systems working. And I remember the first time I had somebody brought out to me that a business fundamentally wants to grow, like that’s actually it. And to me, it’s like that poem by Rumi about your task is not to seek for love, but to find and eliminate all the barriers you’ve created against it. Yes, such a beautiful perspective. And in that same way that businesses want to grow, it’s just when we find what are all the impediments? And I heard someone once describe it as revenue deflection shields. You know, if you take right.
Dean Miles [00:14:43] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:14:43] Action, feels like you can make sales out of making light of it. And it’s easy to say in theory, but I just think that’s an empowering perspective. Not like, Oh, I have to fix all these f ing problems and instead like, Hey, this thing wants to work.
Dean Miles [00:14:57] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:14:58] We need to get it out. I need to help it, you know, remove the impediments to it working.
Dean Miles [00:15:03] Yeah, I’ve heard another version of that a. As things grow, they need to become more complex, but they don’t need to become more complicated. And I like that. All right, complex is fine, and I would say even necessary. Simple isn’t always the solution. Just remove. Complicated.
Brilliant Miller [00:15:24] That’s. That’s awesome. So work. The system is a book that I’m I’m loving. I’m going to interview. By the time this is released, I will have interviewed Sam for my podcast. Very cool. He’s agreed to be a guest on the show. Something else I’m reading for the second time, and I don’t typically read books multiple times, but this is a book that I read probably about a decade ago and it changed my life. So I’m reading it again as a book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. You know, this book?
Dean Miles [00:15:52] I don’t I’m not Google it right now.
Brilliant Miller [00:15:53] It’s pretty big for creatives or people who want to be more creative, people who maybe went down a more practical path and lost touch with their child, their inner child or their artist. And now they want to. And not just for writers. Although Julia teaches a practice called The Morning Pages, where you write three pages longhand.
Dean Miles [00:16:11] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:16:12] And it’s I did it for years. I did the morning pages for years. And it really is such a such a great way to hear your inner voice. And so, you know, Julia will say at night, before you sleep, write down, I’m seeking guidance regarding and you write a specific question or a problem or whatever. And then in the morning you write these three pages longhand, not stopping if you have a typo, if you can’t find a word, you know, if you don’t know what to write, you just keep writing. And then it’s like this torrent of insight or or energy can come loose. And so in that way, you know, maybe your higher self or, you know, something divine, like there’s an intelligence that’s coming through you that is in you.
Dean Miles [00:16:57] You know, it’s good. I say Purcell, who is in the Mag 100 group that you and I same network she is considered the top 1% of design thinking for spaces than furniture and has an unbelievable formula of deconstructing reconstructing but challenges people like me. There’s not an artistic bone in my I mean I can barely draw a stick figure but it’s. Get past it. Draw right to in the moment to get started. To start your day. To end your day. Draw something and then get as detailed as you can. You want to show it to anyone or you can hide your own shape. But just embedded in that is creativity and it releases things. I was a skeptic. I’ve been part of her. She has a virtual T on Wednesdays that I attend. And it’s it’s it’s really inspiring to have what I end up drawing, which is not pretty, but it’s mine, but to see how other people are expressing themselves.
Brilliant Miller [00:18:03] So that’s awesome. And that idea of drawing, you know, I remember I haven’t read this book, but there’s a book I think it’s called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. And it’s another one that is very well known for helping people to tap into their creative side once they have the sense of having lost it. And I’m just Googling it right now. We are drawing on the right side of the brain, a book by Betty Edwards. And the person who told me about this book said that Betty can look at someone’s drawing and they can tell. They can tell when that person stopped seeing themselves as creative. Maybe. Wow. Or somebody, a sibling who was critical of them and said, like, you were like 12 years old when you quit, were you? And they you know, they said yes. And so she helps she has a a process where she helps people back to a more creative way of being.
Dean Miles [00:19:00] Wow. What an insightful visual eye to be able to see that level of detail and be that accurate.
Brilliant Miller [00:19:07] That interesting. So the artist way is another one and then a few others that I’m reading. I’m reading a book called Don’t Tell Me to Relax by a guy named Ralph de la Rosa. Really? It’s kind of a tough book to read because Ralph is he’s a therapist, but he’s sharing some of the trauma he’s experienced. But he’s doing it in a way that helps us to see a, we all have trauma and B, we can work through it, overcome it, even leverage it to live a life of, you know, happiness and meaning. But that’s one that I’m really appreciating. And he’s got a unique you. So don’t tell me to relax as one. And then I’m also reading. Just went to the bookstore and I bought a physical book as to God living the Bhagavad Gita by Ram Dass. I’m digging this book, you know. You know, round us.
Dean Miles [00:19:58] I know the name.
Brilliant Miller [00:20:00] It’s. I just find it so fascinating. He was involved with Timothy Leary at Harvard researching LSD and.
Dean Miles [00:20:07] Yeah. Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:20:10] Yes. And I just I’m really loving. Yes. I love. I’ve read the Bhagavad Gita, but it’s been a while. And his view of teaching teaching this basically a heart centered approach to living. I’m really, really enjoying. And he passed just a few years ago. But he’s somebody that I didn’t I didn’t ever meet. I did never learn from personally. But I’ve been intrigued by. He wrote the famous book Be Here Now.
Dean Miles [00:20:37] Mm hmm. So, Brant, I have a question. So if someone’s been listening to this point and we started it with an info diet.
Brilliant Miller [00:20:46] Mm hmm.
Dean Miles [00:20:47] And someone’s a coach. You’re I mean, if this is your diet, I mean, this is eating all day. Some of the saying that’s a bad thing. But how have you grown grown in your info diet? So what would you consider fast food in this information? What are you eating now and how is this healthier? How have you transitioned over time?
Brilliant Miller [00:21:19] You know, in a lot of ways I think I haven’t changed at all from the time I was a kid and I used to play a game with myself when I had my picture books in my my storybooks, I’d lay them all out on the on the floor in my bedroom. And that was kind of, you know, kids sometimes kids play the floor is lava. That was like, I’m trapped. And the only way I could get out is if I could read a path out. And every time I’d read a book, I’d clear a stepping stone.
Dean Miles [00:21:42] Interesting.
Brilliant Miller [00:21:43] So I would. And this for me is kind of my brier patch. It’s my happy place. The other thing I would do is I would take the bedding from around the house. I would steal people’s pillows and blankets and I would lock myself in the bathroom. I’d put them all in the tub and I’d stay fully clothed. I wouldn’t turn on the water. I would just make a little nest for myself and I would just read, right? And so the reason that I’m sharing all that is that this is not new for me. I’ve always I’ve loved language, I’ve loved learning. I love sharing what I’ve learned. So this idea that I’m just doing this now, three decades, four decades later than when I started, but for me, it’s, you know, so if somebody is reading and they’re like, if someone’s listening and they’re going, Oh, I’m not reading enough or whatever, right? Look, if do it if you want to, but don’t do it out of a sense of guilt or shame or deficiency. You know, again, I do this because I love it and I’ve always done it in some form as long as I’ve known myself, except for the times when I kind of got away from it thinking I should go earn an MBA or go build some business that really write soul deadening.
Dean Miles [00:22:43] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:22:44] And when I look back, those were the unhappiest times in my life. And then the last thing. Then while I’m on this, I’ll just share that I did a program with Jack Canfield years and years ago, and in it he gave us an assignment which was to take a free day, meaning you have no work at all, not even reading a single email, not reading any journals for work. And he said periodically, Give yourself a free day and then do whatever. Just lights you up. And you know what I thought? I thought I will read for pleasure. And I had quit reading for pleasure because I was an English major and I would read texts multiple times and I would do all this analysis or, you know, it was always for a purpose. And when I when I reignited that reading for pleasure, literally, I felt giddy. Like I felt like a little kid, you know?
Dean Miles [00:23:34] Yeah. Well, I mean, so for those that don’t feel that way, I am not a natural reader. So if you identify more of what I’m saying. It is imperative that you’re bringing things in because if you’re an inspire insight and if you’re going to shift perspective, you have to be bringing in all of this information, all this data, even more specifically, all this knowledge. I set a goal. I want to read at least one page in a book a day. That’s the hardest obstacle is for me just to open the book. I held up the imaginary book. For whatever reason, the red book shows up.
Brilliant Miller [00:24:12] And kind of.
Dean Miles [00:24:13] Kind of just to open it up. So my goal is to read one page. I end up reading a chapter. Or just finishing the book. Yeah. You have to read. You must read, now, here’s what I’ve learned from the older men, the older woman ahead of me. For people like me, it doesn’t get easier. But you get better at it. And I’ve found that sometimes I’m drawn to it. It’s the right topic, it’s the right author, it’s the right presentation. But sometimes it’s not the right topic and it’s not the right author and it’s not the right moment. Yeah. But I need to. Right. I just want to encourage you, if you’re listening and you’re not natural to this, you don’t it doesn’t make you guilty. It’s the discipline to just do it.
Brilliant Miller [00:25:00] I remember hearing Tony Robbins say that his mentor, Jim Rome, said, Tony, you can only eat on the days you read.
Dean Miles [00:25:10] Oh, that’ll do it.
Brilliant Miller [00:25:11] And for half an hour a day. And that’s another thing that I do, is I actually have a few daily disciplines that I’m not perfect. I don’t hit them all every day and reading at least 30 minutes a day is part of that.
Dean Miles [00:25:24] Yeah. That’s good. Good. That’s good. Those are all good. All good things to think about.
Brilliant Miller [00:25:29] Yeah. The last couple of things in my info diet are that I’ve been playing a couple of games with my daughters that I’ve been having a lot of fun with. One is a simple game. It’s like 12 bucks you can find on an Amazon and at a Barnes and Noble. It’s a game called Push. It’s a card game. It’s pretty quick, it’s really fun. It’s just is one where you go round and you attempt to get the highest numbers and if you. Anyway, I’m doing a terrible job explaining, but it’s quick, it’s easy to learn and it’s fun, which for me is the trifecta of games.
Dean Miles [00:25:59] Yeah, yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:00] That’s one. And then there’s another one if anybody, and I’m sure a lot of people listening have played Exploding Kittens. Have you played that?
Dean Miles [00:26:07] I have not. I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t played it.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:09] Oh, it’s fun. And the studio behind that game, they just keep rolling out all these wacky games that are just unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Like they have one called throw throw burrito that if you play throw, throw a burrito, first of all, you got to do it somewhere nothing’s going to break. There’s no like fine vases or anything, but it’s a card game, dodgeball game. So it’s like this mash up and you just laugh.
Dean Miles [00:26:33] Unbelievable.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:34] So that one’s really fun. But the new one they have is I’m up with a game called Happy Salmon, and if people facilitate meetings, this is one I love on the box. It says something like The 90 second game you’ll play for hours.
Dean Miles [00:26:46] Oh, that’s good.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:47] And it’s really fun because you can play it with a group of up to, I think eight. And then it’s again, it’s super simple to learn, but you get people standing, you get people interacting, perhaps you get people laughing so happy. And I’m pretty sure it’s called happy salmon. It’s really fun.
Dean Miles [00:27:04] That sounds good. You have younger kids? My kids are older. 26, 18. So we’ve been doing more of the Oculus, the virtual reality. Playing ping pong. It’s better than the real thing, really. It looks the same and feels the same. But you don’t have to go chase that white ball everywhere. It’s hiding behind the cushion or bounces into the fireplace. Love that and I have other friends. So Greg, who you’ve met there in Salt Lake City. I’ll get a text from him. You know, hey, let’s meet at the club at 2:15 for nine holes. Well, I’m in a different country, right? I’ve been in Mexico. We put on the Oculus VR headsets and we play nine holes of golf. It’s amazing.
Brilliant Miller [00:27:50] Really.
Dean Miles [00:27:51] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:27:52] That’s fun. I’ve tried. I tried the Oculus for meetings.
Dean Miles [00:27:57] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:27:57] Zoomed and I tried the horizon workspaces.
Dean Miles [00:28:00] Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Greg and I have done that on occasion. It’s going to get better. It’s all right. It’ll get better. But it’s still a little clunky at the moment.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:12] You know, I realize and I was a slow convert to Apple products. Mm-hmm. I’m a fan now.
Dean Miles [00:28:18] And welcome, by the way. Welcome to the family.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:22] Yeah, thank you. An apple releases its headset, which I understand is expected in 2024.
Dean Miles [00:28:29] That’s right.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:30] Stuff leaking about it now. That’ll be a game-changer.
Dean Miles [00:28:35] Yeah, I agree. So in the meantime, I’m doing very important things like golf and ping pong.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:40] Yes. Hey, that’s how it always starts, man. Like humanity advances through a war and play. I’m convinced. You’re not hurting anybody. So you’re going, man.
Dean Miles [00:28:51] You’re man. Yes, you’re welcome. I’m looking for my Nobel award.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:59] Okay. Well, cool. Well, let’s talk let’s switch now to an exploration of I want a name for this segment. What do we call this? It’s not the magazine game. It’s the editorial effort or something. Right. But the idea is we read, we look at a magazine, we look at the cover, we find something that’s interesting to us that we think our listeners would benefit from. And then we as coaches see what we would say if we were tasked with writing that article, what we would say to a client if they wanted to know our take on this topic. And then we read the article, and then we’d say what they said and how smart what they said was or what we missed or how wrong they are. Now, I think it’s a pretty smart people. But the magazine that I chose or this month and I think I’m just going to subscribe. I’ve never subscribed to this magazine, but I chose Men’s Health and there’s on the cover of Men’s Health. This is the. What addition is this? This is the May June edition. Are you mentally fit? 31 Ways to Power Up Your Brain. That was the question. You take one right now. Just give me one.
Dean Miles [00:30:04] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:30:06] I think you power up.
Dean Miles [00:30:08] I did.
Brilliant Miller [00:30:09] What did you. So what? Before you even read it? What ideas did you have? If you were. You were the one that was given this assignment. What would you say about powering up your brain?
Dean Miles [00:30:19] It reminded me of a book that I read in 1998. I forgot the author, but it’s Michael Gelb. Gelb And the book is How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci. And he talked about these seven steps to genius. I didn’t attempt to come up with 31, but I was reminded of these seven. And this book really was part of my story of even getting into coaching. I didn’t know that then, but as I reflect back and look at the dots and I connected to the author Michael, his theory is that we did genius ourselves, that we said if Leonardo was characterized by looking at any one thing with the minimum of eight perspectives. What I hear myself say is, well, here’s how I see it. Well, that’s just one.
Brilliant Miller [00:31:14] Yeah.
Dean Miles [00:31:15] But there’s an infinite number of perspectives. So seven steps, I would say, to even return yourself to genius to kind of power up your brain. One is to be curious. Be curious. So, Leonardo, he wanted to know truth. He wanted to know beauty. And he wanted to know goodness. So those that have researched him and have scoured through his notebooks, which are accessible, I think either I think Bill Gates actually purchased them and digitized them. And they’re now available for everyone. So you have a thought.
Brilliant Miller [00:31:54] I was going to share.
Dean Miles [00:31:55] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:31:56] Adventures Biography by Isaacson.
Dean Miles [00:31:58] I have not. No.
Brilliant Miller [00:31:59] Was amazing, he said in that book. Isaacson said that more of the cheese writings survive, even though they’re like 500 years old. And Steve Jobs emails was amazing because they were all digital and they basically have not been preserved. How remarkable is that?
Dean Miles [00:32:15] Yeah, sad is that that causes you to pause and ponder.
Brilliant Miller [00:32:21] And Isaacson had an interesting perspective on that because he wrote not only Leonardo da Vinci’s biography, but also Steve Jobs. So he was in a unique position to say.
Dean Miles [00:32:29] Oh, interesting. Yeah. That’s really interesting. Well, we’re able actually to see what we’re able to see because in one sense you would see his notebook was a commonplace book. And that’s some of just the even those that have been interested in is that there was no particular order to his notebook. He would have water erosion next to how hair follicles grow, next to a joke that he heard right all on the same page. It was a place that captures curiosity. The second thing, so these are seven steps. First one is be curious. Second one is to test things. So to test knowledge through experience. I didn’t know this, but it was said that he would sign his name; disciple of experience.
Brilliant Miller [00:33:16] Wow.
Dean Miles [00:33:17] Have you ever heard that before?
Brilliant Miller [00:33:18] I haven’t heard that.
Dean Miles [00:33:20] I didn’t remember that from the book. I was kind of when I looked at someone’s cliff notes and that was in there again, that was back in 98 when I read it. The third thing is..
Brilliant Miller [00:33:29] I’m sorry to jump in. I’m curious because I realize he wrote in Italian, right? Yes. The words in Italian would or not that’s a straight translation. That’s interesting. But. Right, maybe somebody listening.
Dean Miles [00:33:42] Yeah, yeah. Either you can do that now or but I am curious of how that read. But yeah, disciple of experience. So as I tell you, one of my core values is adventure. I mean, I would say I’m a disciple of adventure. So the consensus, so it was important for Leonardo. Leonardo to continue all refinement of the senses, especially sight as that was the means to clarify experience of mindful contemplation of beauty as the secret to enjoy one’s life. So be curious. Test things through experience. Heighten your senses. Specifically sight. The fourth one is, is develop this balance between science, art, logic and imagination. So gives you more complete view.
Brilliant Miller [00:34:38] Just think of all those things science, art, logic and imagination. And maybe imagination would fit into that the spiritual. But there’s not a spiritual component in that.
Dean Miles [00:34:47] No, there is not.
Brilliant Miller [00:34:49] Interesting.
Dean Miles [00:34:50] So fifth is ambiguity. So a willingness to embrace ambiguity, paradox and uncertainty. Because we can tend to get stuck there. So just embrace it, right? A willingness to embrace it. Sixth is the body. So cultivation of Emma Dexter, Emma Dexterity, which I think is so interesting in that time period that they were so into what could you do with the right hand? The left hand? Fitness and poise. So not only do you want to balance parts of the mind, but you also want to balance the body. And then last is connectedness, recognition and appreciation for the connectedness of all things and phenomena.
Brilliant Miller [00:35:35] That one’s, for me, pretty close to spiritual.
Dean Miles [00:35:39] So be curious. Test things to experience. Be aware of your senses, specifically your eyes, your sight. Have a balance between science, art, logic and imagination. Embrace ambiguity, balance the body, and then recognize and appreciate. Appreciate that everything’s connected.
Brilliant Miller [00:35:59] Right on. It sounds like a pretty good way to live life.
Dean Miles [00:36:04] Yeah. Disciple of experience.
Brilliant Miller [00:36:08] I love it. Well, thank you for breaking that down. You know, as I looked at these 31 ways to power up your brain, that’s a lot. And honestly, I just thought there’s I mean, there’s a few things that you could get into about specific technologies or, you know, specific chemicals or whatever. But by and large, we know what I would call the macronutrients of well-being, of mental fitness, of things like sleep, things like mindfulness, things like time in nature, things like solitude. It can go a long ways toward that. And then even simpler things, probably like drinking water. There’s plenty of research about how our cognitive function declines when we’re dehydrated. And there’s a book I own. I haven’t read it, but it was I think the title is You’re Not Sick, You’re Thirsty. And it was, yeah, a doctor who’s written, there’s all these different symptoms that people manifest that that are actually what’s at the root of all of them is being thirsty. That’s amazing. So water, exercise, breathing, music. So these things that are probably not complicated, but sometimes we either don’t build them into our lives or when even we do things get so busy or the chaos kind of seems to take over.
Dean Miles [00:37:30] Yeah, we do it more. As is intervention as opposed to prevention.
Brilliant Miller [00:37:35] Yeah, that’s such a great way to say it. So there wasn’t I mean, I don’t know that there’s any magic bullet on this powering up your brain. Other people, I mean, caffeine can be one. And I hear people like Tim Ferriss talk about the caffeine that they consume and then other people like Tony Robbins that don’t touch caffeine.
Dean Miles [00:37:53] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:37:54] I’m you know, everybody gets to find their own way or things just like you’re right in the morning and be right at night. And okay, so you exercise, but do ydo a peloton or do you do your trail run? Right. Well, there’s two things might come of it. We get to find out what is it that is either most enjoyable or at least crappy. We can make a part of our life ongoing.
Dean Miles [00:38:16] Yeah. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:38:18] So. So with that, I mean, the things that were in the article, what stood out to you?
Dean Miles [00:38:26] Well, I was a little underwhelmed. You know, of just the to build a super brain. It was very much we need to be reminded more than were instructed is kind of how I read this article. Nothing. Nothing new in here. Right. You want to lose weight, just eat less, move more. You want to build your brain some very similar things. It’s what do you. What are you eating? Are you sleeping? Um, serve others. Right. I mean, the more you’re introspective, just kind of more trouble we can get in with our selves. Who was the other one? Oh, and then just physical exercise. There’s just something about that. You know, brilliant. The one that was underappreciated was breathing. So I got this aura ring. And if people are familiar with that. But great. Oh, you are a ring icon. Are the NBA players actually, when they were all in the bubble during the height of Kobe, they all had to have these rings. So it measures all kinds of things when you’re sleeping, your body temperature, respiratory rate, your heart rate variability, your restlessness. Right? Those types of things. My sleep. I mean, let’s just say I did everything wrong before I went to bed. I finished my whiskey in bed and watched a movie in bed. I ate late at night. Right. So the blue lights are on the whole thing. I fall asleep really fast, usually wake up around 3 a.m.. Half hour later, I fall back asleep. And I wake up. And I got my score from the ring. It was horrific. It basically said.
Brilliant Miller [00:40:14] Negative.
Dean Miles [00:40:15] Oh, yeah, they went negative. They basically said you should probably seek help immediately. No. But in essence, that’s basically what it said. So then I decided I’m going to do the best habits the next day. So I went for a walk. No alcohol. I had nothing to eat after 5:30 p.m.. No. No electronic screens after 7 p.m.. Read an old fashioned book too. I got sleepy. Fell asleep really fast. We’ll give it three up for a half hour. Fell back asleep. Woke up. So my sleep thought the same. My score was completely different. I mean, I won awards. They gave me a crown. I felt so much better. So I thought, man, what was that? Now, one of the things that there was a breathing exercise and I was like, there’s no way me doing this ten-minute breathing exercises are going to show up on these numbers. I couldn’t have been more wrong. So heart rate variability h r v that was a new term for me. So when you do it, your heartbeat is bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. That sounds rhythmic, but there’s actually more. There’s a micro variability in there. And the more stressed you are, the less variable your heart is. The more at peace you are, the more variability your heart rate has, which is really, really good. Now. I just did a ten minute breathing exercise. That was it. My HRV was statistically significantly different. So what does that do? Its huge impact on the brain because all the restorative and recovery things that happen when you’re sleeping. So that disappoints me because I want it to be right. Yeah. It could have made a difference. Big difference.
Brilliant Miller [00:42:10] That’s awesome. How amazing that our technology is now making what was invisible more visible.
Dean Miles [00:42:18] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:42:19] And this idea that none of it is complicated, but sometimes, you know, closing that gap between what we know and what we do. That’s where our work is. So and how we can do that without sliding ourselves. Because I’m not a fan of willpower.
Dean Miles [00:42:36] Mm hmm.
Brilliant Miller [00:42:37] You know, of flogging ourselves to reach a goal. Although I acknowledge there’s a time and a place when we’ve made a commitment to our self or to someone else. That willpower, you know, might be what’s necessary to get to produce that result. At the same time, I’m just really intrigued by how we can live with effortless, you know, effortless action. Or I think what is sometimes referred to as spontaneous right action, you know, or, or non doing I’m really interested in.
Dean Miles [00:43:07] Yeah, that’s really good. I mean, you and as I heard my own story, I’m being reminded now the seven steps of genius. This ring started with curiosity. I then want to test it through my own experience. I use my senses. I was trying to find a balance between science, art, logic and imagination. I was able to embrace this level of ambiguity or uncertainty because I don’t know what I’m saying in all of this. And it was just this balance in my body right there that I was trying to take to get there. And then just a recognition and appreciation that it’s connected. If I want to and be engaged and have the energy and have the quickness of mind, these things are connected. You do foolish things. You win foolish prizes.
Brilliant Miller [00:43:54] Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. I love that there’s a subreddit if you haven’t discovered called When Stupid Prizes.
Dean Miles [00:44:02] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:44:02] I have people that get that. Or there’s another one called Instant Regret. So. Yeah.
Dean Miles [00:44:08] Here, hold my beer.
Brilliant Miller [00:44:10] Yeah, well, a few of the things, just maybe to wrap up this part of our conversation that I took away from this magazine article, first of all, I thought it was interesting. I acknowledge I could have missed something, but I didn’t see anywhere in the magazine that said, it delivered on the promise on the cover of 31 Ways to Power Up Your Brain. I had two.
Dean Miles [00:44:32] Agreed.
Brilliant Miller [00:44:32] Or three pillars, right? I think they actually called. It was a build, a super brain. And then inside there was are you mentally fit? Which I really like that term, giving ourselves this concept of mental fitness. And then they went on to break down mental fitness as being. Three pillars, and I appreciate that they shared where physical fitness you can look at in three pillars of strength, cardio and mobility. That’s the opinion of the editors who wrote this or the writers who wrote this. But whereas mental fitness, they say emotional intelligence, vulnerability and resilience go on and define those and give examples and so forth. But I thought that was I thought that was actually really useful because these are things that I think only in the last few decades have really come into our society’s conversational domain, you know, about emotional intelligence or what we sometimes call IQ that I love this description that Susan David, who wrote Emotional Agility, she’s quoted in this article saying that the skill of emotional intelligence is simply the ability to recognize your feelings and understand how you’re responding to them and do it without judging yourself. And to be able to do that in real time instead of just something happens, you react. But instead being able to witness of what’s happened outside, what’s going on inside, and then making a choice of how to react. And all this sounds easy in theory, but I think there’s a real potential there to improve the quality of our lives.
Dean Miles [00:46:04] There’s no doubt about that. And I know that we can do that on our good days, which is not where the conversation is useful. It’s on our bad days. Right. So how do you have that safety rope? Because you’re going to fall used to going to fall all the way to the bottom, right? Sort of to have that four foot, six foot four, you’re locked down that you don’t fall any further than that, that you could recover more quickly. I tend to find my younger dean. I would trip and fall and I would fall all the way to the bottom. And man, it would take me a long time to recover, to get back up. The goal now is don’t quite don’t fall further than necessary. And how quickly can you make that a V and recover and actually be stronger than the original fall? So it’s possible, but the goal can’t be to not fall. No, it’s just don’t fall further than necessary. Yeah. And.
Brilliant Miller [00:46:58] And I know I’m quoting Tim Ferriss a lot of this conversation, but I love something that he likes to say and he’s quoting a Greek poet. Archilochus says. We don’t rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training.
Dean Miles [00:47:13] Oh, that’s good.
Brilliant Miller [00:47:14] And so this idea, how do we do it even on our bad days, is that we practice it to where it does become our baseline and our automatic. So that we do, we are able to recover. Right. And I think there’s something.
Dean Miles [00:47:25] So good.
Brilliant Miller [00:47:26] Arguable that in that probably leads right into the next one or the next one for them is vulnerability. And they go on and they give a good description. You know, vulnerability to me. I hear that. And first, Brené Brown’s talks have been viewed 40 million plus times. I think there’s value in it. But there’s a part of me that I. I don’t love the concept of vulnerability, but I like what Michael Javier says, who’s quoted in this article is a performance psychologist who’s worked with NFL teams and CEOs and Olympians and other high performers. But he describes vulnerability as the courage to be authentic, the courage to be true, the courage to say the thing that needs to be said, even though it’s hard to say. Mm hmm. And I think maybe part of the reason I don’t like vulnerability is I think people could y y have a hard time with it, I should say, is that I think people can use that as a license just to be a dick. Right. Paradoxically, weird stuff like letting people in. You’re like opening up on people. Well, here’s what. Yes, here’s the truth or whatever. And it’s like, that’s not vulnerability. You’re just being a jerk right now, you know?
Dean Miles [00:48:26] Yeah. I mean, we use that clinical term of psychological safety. I understand that, but I don’t like it because it seems way too unapproachable. And you know, you’ve been diagnosed with some venereal psychiatric safety, so I don’t like that. But yeah, but there. There are pricks out there. But I think regardless, it’s going to happen. So I think it’s, you know, choose your friends and choose your audience wisely. Vulnerability is not the problem. I mean, people do mean things. Limit the number of mean people in your circle. Right. Vulnerability is not the problem is the mean person.
Brilliant Miller [00:49:10] I think you’re right. And you know, this idea, too, of psychological safety or vulnerability. We can call it psychological safety. Someone once suggested to me that that is so someone’s opinion, that it’s the primary responsibility of the leader. It’s psychological safety, meaning a space where people can speak their truth, you know, they can express things that might be hard to hear and so forth. And in that way, we can find the best way forward. But if people are afraid of the repercussions or they feel like there’s a part of themselves they’ve got to hold back. Of course, you’re not going to get the best result. If you’re not getting the best result from individuals, you’re not going to get the best result on your team. That’s right. And I hear what you’re saying and I’m okay. Like, I actually like the term psychological safety, because to me, it conveys something that I can start to grasp where if there’s nonjudgmental, you know, there’s acceptance, these kinds of things that we can choose to practice are not always easy. But what I think is interesting and related to this is this thing, this idea of holding space. And this is where, you know, this could be even more Californian. And I love Elf and I love a certain time and place. I love science in a certain time and place. And I think there’s a limitation to both of those as well. But the example to me of holding space that has just really it keeps coming back is I had a chance to study with an Indigenous teacher and he has some land in the desert in New Mexico and he doesn’t advertise. He literally won’t let you take a photograph with him, doesn’t have a website. He’s not looking to promote himself in any way, shape or form. And he said that people will somehow find their way to him who are at the end of their rope like they told us to do in life. You know, maybe they’ve had addiction, maybe they’ve had depression, or they’ve come from abusive households. And they find somehow they find him and they spend some time in nature and maybe they do some ceremony. And he said that they will leave. It will often leave with a renewed sense of hope and possibility. And the thing that was so remarkable to me about that is that people come, they have an experience. And then even though that experience came about in a specific geography, in a specific time with a specific person doing specific things now helps them be aware that that feeling or that experience or maybe that space can exist beyond those boundaries.
Dean Miles [00:51:36] And so powerful.
Brilliant Miller [00:51:38] And that each of us has the ability to be space holders, not just for other people, but for things that we are committed to, whether it’s, again, sustainability, work, ability, justice, even, you know, things like beauty creation, things that are more philosophical.
Dean Miles [00:51:54] Right? Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:51:55] Each of us can be a space holder.
Dean Miles [00:52:00] Yeah. Words absolutely necessary. To be the visible manifestation that it’s possible. Because those that are the VI. Those that violate. Psychological safety don’t have enough. Are there low IQ are such low self-awareness that they can’t even begin to even understand the words psychological safety. It just sounds even that sounds unemotional to me. The term is as cold as they are. That’s what I don’t like about it. I’d like to know, for those of us that are higher IQ, that’s what we’re looking for. But to build it, to identify for someone, to be able to identify themselves as having the disease. Yeah, I just I don’t think the term is something that they want that they open up and embrace. And yes, I am. That I caused this low psychological safety.
Brilliant Miller [00:53:02] I think you’re right. And maybe that’s the perfect segue way to the last part of this, of what the article writes about here, which is resilience. And I do like the description that is given here or resilience where it’s described. Is about adjusting and adapting to a challenging environment, either internal or external. This is also Jarvis, the gentleman that gave us the definition of vulnerability, but he says it’s about moving forward with the mission as opposed to being set back. It’s using internal skills when something is pushing us off balance. And I like thinking of resilience that way. You know, I’m not a fan of balance or say it’s a great concept and there’s a time and a place to strive for it. But the universe is in constant, dynamic motion to think right. You imagine yourself on a teeter totter and you were balanced. Like, there’s no fun in that.
Dean Miles [00:53:57] No, no.
Brilliant Miller [00:53:58] You know, but resilience about being able to come back when we all are, we fail or whatever. I think there’s tremendous power in having that as a concept, but also striving for it in real life.
Dean Miles [00:54:11] Yeah. Just even knowing that it’s possible. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:54:14] Absolutely. Okay. Well, maybe. Maybe that’s enough on the magazine.
Dean Miles [00:54:21] Yeah, I like it. I mean, it was for me, I like yeah, it took me back to 1998 to a book that was just so instrumental that I’d forgotten about.
Brilliant Miller [00:54:32] And on. Good. Well, let’s let’s just shift to the last part of our conversation.
Dean Miles [00:54:38] Perfect.
Brilliant Miller [00:54:39] Exploring two things. One is something that can help us be better coaches. And then one is what’s something that as coaches or as thought leaders that can help us earn recognition and money?
Dean Miles [00:54:56] Yeah. So my thought about being a good coach. It is make it as easy as possible to get paid. And I find in the business of coaching. We spend so much time learning the skill of coaching, so much time trying to find that client. And then when it’s time for them to pay us, or almost as awkward as that 12 year old or 13 year old boy or girl that’s babysitting for the first time, that doesn’t know how much they want to be paid or even how to pay their rent. Don’t be the 12 year, 12 year old version of yourself as you’re growing a coaching business. Know what the prices and make it so easy for them to pay.
Brilliant Miller [00:55:48] I like that. And not just the pricing. Right. But how does it work? Is it applied? Is it is your session in person or virtual? And if it’s virtual? What’s the technology? And is it. And are they 45 minutes or an hour? Like all these things that a high level we can say we want to coach but then, yes, recall realities of how it’s going to happen. You’re going to call me or I’m going to call you. I’m going to do it by Zoom or whatever. You know, it’s going to happen on two-week intervals or once a month or you know, but a lot of that, yeah. If we haven’t thought of that, that’s going to make it really hard for us to deliver value and it’s going to make it hard for us to get paid.
Dean Miles [00:56:26] Yeah. I mean, it’s so obvious whenever someone brings it up. But to have someone could audit your system. It’s embarrassing. Right. It’s all about that Undercover Boss TV show that was so popular years ago. Where in your mind you’re thinking that makes so much sense and then you have someone walk through your system and it could not be more confusing.
Brilliant Miller [00:56:49] Yeah, absolutely. Is a different perspective when it comes from outside us, I think.
Dean Miles [00:56:55] Yeah. So when I get a business partner, I have I had a business partner join me seven years ago and that was one of the first things that he brought was there will not be a coaching firm for which it will be easier to send money than us. I mean, so just basically vote a button that says pay here.
Brilliant Miller [00:57:17] So do you ever get paid in crypto?
Dean Miles [00:57:19] No. We have never been paid in crypto.
Brilliant Miller [00:57:22] Probably a good thing at this point.
Dean Miles [00:57:25] Well, I mean, I don’t know. I mean, I’d rather be paid it now. And Bitcoin’s at, whatever, 18, 19,000 coin than to have been paid six months ago at 55,000. Oh, I’d rather write it up than write it down like we’ve done.
Brilliant Miller [00:57:42] You know, for me, the thing that I’m really interested in right now in terms of being a great coach, it’s there’s two parts because one is the outcome, right? Whether it’s before you even begin an engagement with the client or at the beginning of a coaching session, whether it’s, you know, somebody who just started or it’s your 10th session with that person always letting the client set the outcome for the conversation. And, you know, not just what’s on your mind or what do you want to talk about today, but some version of what result do you want to produce? And in that way, recognizing this is not just a friendship, catch up, feel good conversation, but it’s intended that person move forward in their life, create something to contribute something, maybe to experience something. But that happens like the rate, I think, and probably the quality in which that happens is proportional to our clarity of what is that result that we’re working towards. And that can be the hardest part. But you can get it’s easy to get 10 minutes into a conversation, 30 minutes into a conversation, and still not have an outcome that you’re working towards.
Dean Miles [00:58:42] Yes. Yeah. There’s a brilliant you do different seminars and workshops just on public speaking and those types of things. I think some of the same principles apply. The more clearly you begin, the more clearly you can end. And the same thing is true in that coaching session. And, there’s some training of or even expectations in designing that relationship the clients have now had for a decade plus. I mean, this they’re trained. I mean, they know what to do. The first thing is I don’t have an expectation and that they are where I left them because there could be 14 days in-between or 30 days in between. So it starts off with, So where are you now? What did you say you were going to do and what did you do? And when this time period is over, what are you wanting to accomplish? So I don’t have to ask those questions anymore. We sit down and they just that’s what they say. Right. When I walk out of a coaching session, if I’m exhausted, that’s a big failure. That means that I’m doing way too much work.
Brilliant Miller [00:59:52] No. I’m with you. And what you just had done is exactly the other thing I was going to say, that I believe Gil can help us be a great coach and it’s one that we can deliberately insure as a part of our coaching sessions, which is to ask for a commitment to ask. And it’s not even a commitment to us, but it’s to invite the client to make a commitment of some kind that ultimately is toward themselves, that is going to help them move closer to or even produce the result that they said they wanted. And part of that art is not just allowing the client to say whatever is expedient, whatever is convenient or sounds good. Mm hmm. And detecting, if this is a commitment that they’re doing reluctantly, which is not always easy. Right. But if they hesitate, if there’s a certain tone in their voice, you know, in saying something like, I’m sensing that maybe that’s not a commitment you really want to make right now. You know, is there another commitment that would work better for you or. Tell me about hesitation that I heard, you know, or something.
Dean Miles [01:00:48] Yeah. It’s so good.
Brilliant Miller [01:00:50] Structure because that’s what we resist. But we crave is structure, is transparency, is accountability, is integrity. And that’s one of the values as part of the value we can provide as a coach that if a client could do on their own, they probably wouldn’t have hired us.
Dean Miles [01:01:05] That’s exactly right. And I think the consistency of the question for two of you have more than one coaching session with them over a time period. I asked the same three questions at the end of every coaching session. What’s become more clear? What have you been reminded of? What commitment do you want to make? So there’s no surprises. They know, as we’re talking those 60 minutes or those 90 minutes or those 15 minutes. They need to be thinking along the way. How am I going to answer these coaches questions? Because they’re coming and we will not leave the room until they’re satisfactory.
Brilliant Miller [01:01:44] I don’t. Awesome. I love it. So what became more clear?
Dean Miles [01:01:48] What have you been reminded of?
Brilliant Miller [01:01:50] What have you been reminded of and what commitment are you willing to make?
Dean Miles [01:01:52] Yeah, because a lot of our coaching is around this idea. Samuel Johnson I’ve been told the second most quoted individual behind William Shakespeare and there’s quote is or Mark Twain was that I don’t, don’t, don’t fact check that don’t let the details get in the way of this good story brilliant.
Brilliant Miller [01:02:09] Keep going.
Dean Miles [01:02:10] Is we need to be reminded more than were instructed. So that’s our access to exceptional people, to type-A personalities. I’m not here to instruct you. I’m here to remind you. So our my coach is built around that, which is why I’m so curious about what have you been reminded of or what’s become more clear? Yeah, that gets them talking. And now we hit that. So what’s the commencement?
Brilliant Miller [01:02:36] That’s awesome. And again, that is a tactic that any coach can use, and it might not be appropriate for every coach or you might write that you like better or whatever. But the point is to invite that commitment. And to help someone move into action to live the life they want to live, serve, result they want to produce to be who they want to be. And we can all do that. So. Okay. And then the thing about earning recognition of money and you talked about make it easy to get paid, I think. Right? One. The thing that I would say about earning recognition and this is one I’m still feeling my way through. But I would call it, you know, finding a way to put yourself out there again. That could be it could be a lot of things. And that’s part of the challenge is there are more channels and opportunities than probably ever before. But if we could say social media. But even that’s very broad. Right. And is it do you want to have a YouTube channel to share? Do you want to have a podcast? Do you want to have a clubhouse thing, which I understand, by the way, now you’ve signed up for? I’d love to talk with you about this idea of finding a recurring way to demonstrate your knowledge, your authority, your expertize, your experience, to build credibility, to build affinity, to build trust, to build the muscle of marketing, which can be a nebulous term. It can be a kind of daunting term, it can be a dirty term, and that’s even before sales. But all of this is building a muscle, writing a newsletter, something with a regular frequency. And, you know, for me, one of those is a podcast which I’ve now done for more than four years because I love it. And now it’s taken this new form or it’s added a dimension, which is the conversation with you in which I’m really enjoying. Same just in just inviting people to really deliberately find a way to, to do. I’m just repeating if I say it again. But the benefits are myriad. And by the way, you also socialize your ideas, right? A lot of people. Right. Right. Look. And the and they think that they’re going to go sequester themselves and jot down 225 pages worth of material and send it out into the world. But guess why? If it doesn’t if it hasn’t been tested, it hasn’t been shared, if it hasn’t been refined, if it doesn’t include the stories or the experiences of the people that you’re reaching, you’re endeavoring to serve with the book itself, it’s probably not going to land with people as well. And this is what I would say, an intermediate step that a lot of people don’t seem to wait to see the connection with. Mm hmm. But it’s like the proving ground. It’s the refinery fire for your ideas is it’s. How are you capturing, refining, sharing in real time, you know, demonstrating your expertize right now?
Dean Miles [01:05:22] Yeah. Mark Reiter, a friend of ours who is a publisher, a writer himself. Here’s what he says. In today’s book market, you don’t write a book to create a brand. You create a brand. Then you write the book. And I thought that was really and an interesting of just kind of knowing how the model works today. Marsha Goldsmith, our friend, says it this way is first you must be competent and psychic. You must be known as competent. Well, the only way the second part happens is by putting it out there. So in a one on one conversation or in a podcast or in a blog, in a webinar, put yourself on a panel. So it’s not who you know, it’s who knows you. And they need to know you as competent. I like that.
Brilliant Miller [01:06:15] And I’m not sure why I mind disconnecting this, but somebody that I talked to gaming of my kind of like more public sharing.
Dean Miles [01:06:26] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [01:06:27] Suggested to me when I talked about wanting to write a book. One of the things he encouraged me to do, and I still haven’t done this, but I think about it a lot. She said, okay, take all your best ideas, put them on a single page, make them as clear and as powerful as you possibly can. Then go downtown and stand on a corner.
Dean Miles [01:06:44] Oh, gosh.
Brilliant Miller [01:06:45] Get people to pay you for that one piece of paper, because that experience is really the same experience of trying to put it in a book form and send it out around the world. And it’s like what you will learn from that, the skills and hopefully the confidence that you will develop. And that is the same thing that you will need. And as I’m sharing that right now, I’m thinking maybe I should go do well.
Dean Miles [01:07:09] Let me know when you do that, because I want to be on the other street corner observer and you’re like, Well, I don’t know if it is going to be my own or not, but I’m certainly going to be watching.
Brilliant Miller [01:07:19] Wouldn’t that be fun?
Dean Miles [01:07:20] That would be fun, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. I think that could be that could be quite the. What would you say? Who is it with a teaspoon to another level of what is it? You probably know there was some author who did this of just trying to get over their own level of pride, dressed up as poorly as he could and just would walk the streets just to get used to being ignored and shamed and ridiculed. To build up his confidence. To be able to write and put it in the public space. Have you heard the story?
Brilliant Miller [01:07:55] Well, I know I’ve heard this from stoic philosophers. Yeah, I would do this same kind of thing.
Dean Miles [01:08:04] Yeah. So this is, I think the modern version of that. And then I’ll be up for the challenge. And I even think some of our other friends like Robert Bell, I think some others, you know, you get your one page, I’ll get my one page. Robert can get his one page. We’ll see whoever else wants to play. And let’s go see what we can do.
Brilliant Miller [01:08:22] That’s fun. That is a it’s a fun. Okay. So we will leave that in the parking lot along with when we talk again at some future point, we’ll talk about our coaching journey. Everton moments, important figures missing. But Dean, what shall we wrap with? What are the what are you being reminded of or what has become more clear to you today in this conversation?
Dean Miles [01:08:47] Well, one is when you and I scourge or something, it’s much more likely to happen. And it is just so true. But I think to the level that you and I have had good ideas, I know I’m confident there are coaches that are listening. Right. So looking at you, listener, that you’ve got ideas and you’ve said, I’m going to go do something. Find that buddy, find that friend, find that confidant, find that encourager and schedule it and we’ll put it on your calendar. It’s much more likely to happen. That’s what I’m reminded of, because I wasn’t sure if you were going to call me today. Brilliant. But I knew that we had talked about it and put it on the calendar. Sure enough, it happened.
Brilliant Miller [01:09:37] Right. That’s true. I’m reminded of Tony Robbins. What if you talk about it? It’s a dream vision. It’s possible. But if you schedule it, it’s real.
Dean Miles [01:09:48] Yeah. Here. Here. So true.
Brilliant Miller [01:09:51] That’s awesome. You know, for me, what I’m reminded of is how life, like, all of life is a process and. I remember learning that the Lakota word for God translates to sacred energy in constant motion. Which I think is just so beautiful that this universe is like a kaleidoscope, that it’s constantly moving. Right. And when I learned that, you know, we know the earth goes around the sun. But I remember when I learned that our sun as part of a galaxy is orbiting. The entire galaxy is orbiting.
Dean Miles [01:10:23] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [01:10:24] It’s amazing that everything is in constant motion and that life is a process and never learning once human beings are. What does it say? Human beings are works of art. Works in progress that mistakenly believe they’re finished.
Dean Miles [01:10:40] Hmm.
Brilliant Miller [01:10:40] And this is. This is it, man. Like, I’m super grateful for this conversation, for our friendship. And even that what I’m reminded of is we call it a friendship, and we make it a noun. We make it. We make it a static thing, but it’s really a verb. I’m relating. Yeah, yeah, it is. And I look forward. I already look forward. I’ve enjoyed this. I’ll all remember it fondly. And I look forward to the next time we do it.
Dean Miles [01:11:04] Yeah. Same. So going full circle to your book. Let’s work the system.
Brilliant Miller [01:11:12] Okay.
Dean Miles [01:11:13] All right, let’s tweak it and let’s keep working it.
Brilliant Miller [01:11:16] I love it. So it shall be all right. Well, Jean, if people wanted to connect with you, what’s the best way or what would you prefer they do? You want them to find you on LinkedIn. You have a website, an email address, you want to share anything. How do you how would people get a hold of you if you wanted to?
Dean Miles [01:11:35] Yeah. LinkedIn is probably the easiest. If you Google LinkedIn, Dean Miles Bridgepoint coaching. If that FCO stuff is working, you should be able to. I should come up on that first page. Our website is bridgepointCSG.com for coaching strategy groups have bridgepoint CSG become.
Brilliant Miller [01:11:59] Around and if people want to connect with me they can find the low income and with that let’s do this again sometime later in let’s do this sometime in July.
Dean Miles [01:12:10] Done deal. Let it be so. Hasbro, you and say.
Brilliant Miller [01:12:14] All right. Well, thanks, everybody, for listening. Hope you enjoyed something, benefited from something here. We’ll look forward to the time we connect with you again next then. Take care.