Chain of Events

“Everything in existence is somehow collaborating to keep you alive and well right now. From your breath, to the food that you eat, to the sun rising and setting. If you are able to look through just one chain of events, you could not help but be filled with gratitude for all the people and things involved.”

Sadhguru

Virtually every religious tradition, spiritual teacher, humanist philosophy and scientific branch that’s concerned with human well-being has taught about gratitude. Perhaps that’s because the expression of gratitude elevates the experience not only of those who give it, but also of all who receive it. And also because gratitude intersects with so many other valuable teachings, including living in the present moment, cultivating awareness and recognizing our essential interconnectedness with everyone and everything. It squares with what Cicero said: “Gratitude is not only the greatest of the virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

Although it’s possible to experience gratitude in every moment, most people don’t. Many people experience gratitude only when their expectations are exceeded, when they’re pleasantly surprised. Merely meeting most people’s expectations is inadequate to induce in them a sense of gratitude. When the drive-thru gets their order right, it’s simply what’s expected – no gratitude necessary. And, when people’s expectations aren’t met (as they inevitably won’t be, at some point), they usually experience disappointment or upset.

I’ve observed this phenomenon up close over the years because I’ve had jobs that involved producing events. At our family’s theaters, I hosted birthday parties and corporate events, and later at Miller Motorsports Park, I was part of a team that staged automobile and motorcycle races.

I noticed that successful events are ones where things go according to plan, and are devoid of unpleasant, unexpected surprises. Of course, that pretty much never happens. It’s a virtual certainty that something’s going to go wrong during an event, and as an event organizer just about the best you can do is to expect the unexpected. If you’ve ever planned an event, you know: more people showed up than RSVP’d (or fewer!), you forgot to ask about food allergies, the sound system doesn’t work even though you tested it just a few hours before, etc, etc.

One evening after an event at our theater, about a dozen bowls of ice cream remained untouched. Not wanting them to go to waste – and knowing that ice cream and happiness are closely correlated – I put the ice cream on a cart and walked around the theater handing it out. After people got past the almost-too-good-to-be-true aspect of receiving free ice cream, most were delighted for the unexpected treat.

One lady I approached was in line at the box office waiting to buy tickets. Seeing that I only had one flavor, in what seemed to me an extremely displeased manner, she asked, “Is that the only kind you have?” She decided to help herself to some, but not before pointing out, “It’s getting all melty.” And, not only did she not seem pleased with the unexpected gift, she didn’t say thank you. Instead of expressing gratitude, it seemed that she was intent on finding something to be disappointed about.

I once heard it suggested that our brains are not designed to make us happy, they’re designed to help us survive. Our biological inheritance, it seems, is that we’re disposed to always be scanning for danger, or “what’s wrong.” As Tony Robbins tells us, “What’s wrong is always available. So is what’s right.”

Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh talks about this idea this way: “When you have a toothache, you are enlightened – you know something very important – that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing. When you do not have a toothache, you don’t seem to enjoy it – peace is there in the present moment, but we find it boring and that is why we look for something more exciting.”

Cultivating gratitude is an integral part of living a satisfying life. Fortunately, all it requires is the commitment to do so and the willingness to take on the practice. And this goes beyond simple positive thinking, or endeavoring to see the glass as something other than half-empty. Singer-songwriter Andrew W.K. says it this way: “Ideally, life shouldn’t be an ongoing struggle to see the glass half-full, but rather an appreciation that there’s a glass at all.”