Podcast Episode 6
Are Coaches Born or Made?
Join us for this special in-person interview where my co-host, Dean Miles, and I dive deep into some of the intricate aspects of coaching that can be difficult to navigate such as defining what it means to be a coach, who can be a coach, and how we can be better ones. We hope that this collaboration of thoughts and ideas from our experiences can help pave the way for some of the most crucial conversations in the coaching industry.
Ultimately, our goal is to inspire coaches, both novice and experienced, to reflect on their own practice, embrace continuous learning, and strive to positively impact their clients and the world around them. So, join us for this insightful conversation, and let’s explore together how we can live a good life, be great coaches, and earn recognition and money.
This week on the Coaches Commonplace:
- What is the coaches commonplace and why is it here?
- Why coaching matters to me and Dean
- Are coaches born or made?
- What does it take to be a great coach?
- Our role as coaches in the lives of our clients
Dean Miles [00:00:00] And so even for you that are watching this, really want this to be your commonplace because in the comment section, things like that, we get to share those things and we all benefit. So that’s where the naming language came from.
Brilliant Miller [00:00:15] Dean, good to see you.
Dean Miles [00:00:17] Brilliant. Alive and in the flesh.
Brilliant Miller [00:00:20] Yes. Good to be together.
Dean Miles [00:00:21] It is indeed.
Brilliant Miller [00:00:22] So here we are recording another coach’s commonplace episode. First one of 2023. But even before we jump into that. How have you been and what has been inspiring you?
Dean Miles [00:00:37] Wow. Well, there’s something even though I’m old enough now, I just turned 53. I’m old enough to know better that there’s nothing magical about these New Year beginnings. At least have convinced myself of that, but it still just makes the biggest impact on me. So coming into this year, I’ve got a word for this year; expand.
Brilliant Miller [00:01:01] It sounds painful.
Dean Miles [00:01:03] Yeah, not in the waste. I’m not going to do that. Do that side different, but expand. I mean, it’s interesting how I also don’t choose these words. They end up just kind of just presenting themselves to me. And so in business and friendships and relationships and emotions, I’m really interested to see how that plays out. And if you watch some of the other podcasts, you know, my three core values of adventure, awe, and advocacy. And I think this word expand’s, going to give me some new places to go play with those three core values. What about you?
Brilliant Miller [00:01:38] Awesome. Well, one thing that I’ve been using to guide me without really knowing what it means is that I made the declaration late last year that 2023 would be the best year of my life. And here we are.
Dean Miles [00:01:54] Sounds pretty painful?
Brilliant Miller [00:01:54] In some ways it is. It has been already, but it’s good. And I’m ready. Man. I think I stagnated some and during what I would call broadly the pandemic, you know, a lot of changes for everyone.
Dean Miles [00:02:09] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:10] But I’m ready for something new.
Dean Miles [00:02:11] So declaration.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:13] Yes.
Dean Miles [00:02:14] That word sounds intentional that you chose that. Why a declaration?
Brilliant Miller [00:02:20] Well, you ever see the episode of The Office where Michael runs in and declares bankruptcy?
Dean Miles [00:02:25] I do recall.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:26] They say to him, Michael, that’s not how this works.
Dean Miles [00:02:29] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:29] But I have learned that there is power in declaring something. Right. And I had a teacher who once suggested that language has the power to create in a way that is similar to if you said the word chair and a chair came out of your mouth. Yes. Now, that’s a strange visual.
Dean Miles [00:02:46] It is a strange visual.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:47] But when you realize that so much of the world we exist in is made up in language, right? That whether you’re a college graduate or not.
Dean Miles [00:02:54] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:02:55] And being conferred with a diploma, it’s in language or being married. The vows you speak in the marriage certificate, it’s all language that says you’re married or the fact you have the title to your home. It’s in language. Yes, right. And a declaration can be a very conscious and powerful act, a speech act to bring something forth which literally didn’t exist before. And you’re right. So that is a definite and specific use of language on my part.
Dean Miles [00:03:24] Best year ever, is that what you said?
Brilliant Miller [00:03:28] That’s what I said. Hashtag B.Y.E., bye.
Dean Miles [00:03:31] Right. Bye. Yeah, I guess.
Brilliant Miller [00:03:34] Looking back, Not looking back.
Dean Miles [00:03:36] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:03:36] So, coaches commonplace then. What is this? What are we doing? Why do we call it that?
Dean Miles [00:03:42] Yeah. Yeah. So you’re going to see somewhere on the bumper you just watched at the start or somewhere below here. Coaches commonplace. It’s a term that my wife introduced me to. It was a commonplace book. So in 1685, this guy John Locke, l-o-c-k-e kind of created it, well people had it, but he kind of formalized it of this is how you should organize this book. And so as the history goes, if you go into the late 1700s, much more common, more famous people, presidents and philosophers. Charles Darwin used this to capture a lot of his thoughts. But in a home or in a public place, you would just find this book in a commonplace. And it was a place to capture thoughts and jokes and proverbs and recipes and just all those things. But that’s where you would capture it. Cadence as we started. It’s a written language, right? Right. And so it was just a place to capture that. So as you and I were talking about your experience in life and your experience in coaching and how those two things come together, I’ve had a similar experience. This is really we’ve created a common place now to capture some of that. And so even for you that are watching this, really want this to be your commonplace because in the comment section, things like that, we get to share those things and we all benefit. So that’s where the naming language came from.
Brilliant Miller [00:05:18] Well, good. Well, today, as the name suggests, when I talk about coaching, a couple things related to coaching and some things that are, I think, essential or foundational to living a good life, whatever that means.
Dean Miles [00:05:33] Yeah, right. Yeah. And we’re going to break into it because what does it mean to have a good life? Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:05:40] And that’s a question I’ve been asking myself pretty intensely for a long time, but more intensely since my father passed, which will now be next month, is 14 years. It’s hard to believe he’s now almost a decade and a half. But having seen my father, who was very successful business person, die at the age of 64 with his legs amputated due to complications of diabetes and a long list of other ailments that were largely a result of him prioritizing his work over his health.
Dean Miles [00:06:12] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:06:13] It really caused me to think, you know, what is success? Is it, is it worth it? You know, that kind of thing. And I’m just I’m really keen to be deliberate about whatever it is we pursue and not to just do it because it’s what’s expected of us or because it’s what society tells us we should do, or because we don’t know what else to do, but to be very thoughtful and intentional about pursuit.
Dean Miles [00:06:40] So even you talking about that, I’ve heard that story before, and those that are watching for the first time may not have heard you say that, but there’s a weightiness, even as you talk about that, there’s a seriousness about this living a good life. And it’s almost like it almost doesn’t, how can you be so heavy and burdened with the idea of living a good life? Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:07:06] No, it’s a it’s a fair question. And and I think part of it is, you know, well, broadly, we see this in society that, you know, we see the happiness, the positive psychology movement and the happiness inquiry that has been going on for 20 years or so. But you’re right. And I think that’s very natural because as I see it as a society where we have achieved a level of security and a level of comfort, Now, granted, there’s a lot of people struggling in a lot of ways. That’s right. But we’re not, most of us people watching this, aren’t collecting firewood. They’re not walking five miles to the river for water, right. They’re not worried about where their next meal is coming from, hopefully, and they’re not in a conflict zone. So there’s a basis of, you know, Maslow’s hierarchy that we have attained. And now we’re looking for these other things that are closer to self-actualization of purpose and meaning, right. And contribution and belonging, these things that are more intangible. And with that, there’s no single answer. I don’t think if there was you know, if there was one answer, I think we would have discovered it already. Yes. You know, and it would be, we’d all worship the same religion. We’d all have the same thing.
Dean Miles [00:08:11] First, I like to think about this. We are joining a conversation that’s been happening for thousands of years. Exactly. For longer. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:08:20] And, you know, there’s a teacher that I learned from an Eastern teacher who will say that the issues we’re dealing with are the same 10,000 years ago, and they’ll be the same 10,000 years from now. And it essence, it really is the problem of human suffering.
Dean Miles [00:08:35] Yeah. You know.
Brilliant Miller [00:08:36] So it gets, I tend to get maybe a little philosophical or even sometimes a little bit heavy, as I’ve known myself, as long as I’ve known myself. I’ve known myself to be someone who has a melancholy disposition. I kind of look at, I don’t find the silver lining always. It’s been something I’ve endeavored to do more consciously and quite honestly, is something that has helped me to continue to survive. You know, I haven’t talked about this a lot, but when I was young, I didn’t think I’d make it to 30. My vision for my future was one where my life ended in suicide. Well, you know, it just. That was it. I didn’t know how exactly. I didn’t know when, but it was basically a given that that’s how it would be. And, you know, fortunately, through teachers and friends and other serendipitous events, you know, that has changed in a pretty dramatic way. Yes, But all that sounds like you’re thinking about how can this be so heavy? Well, that’s kind of where I tend to go is the big picture and the why behind things. And does this even mean anything?
Dean Miles [00:09:35] Well, I want to join you in that. If I project on anyone who’s listening to this, it’s one of those topics where it rarely ends with a period. It usually just ends in a dot, dot, dot. It just drifts off and you get distracted by whatever squirrel runs by because it seems so unanswerable. You kind of just get lost. In this infinite- you asked the words of peeling back of the onion. I mean, there’s just more and more and more and more. But you’ve traveled far and wide and have really sourced some good ideas in this pursuit of a good life. And then how can we take some of that? Why is that important to all of us and why is it important to us as coaches specifically? No.
Brilliant Miller [00:10:25] Well, then the way I see that is that we’re all on the same journey as human beings. We’re on the journey from birth to death. We’re on the journey. Know it or not, from ignorance to wisdom, you know, or at least to knowledge. We’re always learning, right? Or we can be. And so from that standpoint, there’s a very fundamental similarity that we all have. And then beyond that, we all want to be happy, We want to be warm, we want to be loved, we want to matter. So there’s these core elements that are even needs. I think there needs and I hate to admit needing anything, right. But but I think that’s true. And then when it comes to coaching, this idea of learning to live your own best life, like anything that helps you be a better version of yourself, will help you be a better coach. Right. And it’s not only because you all have been through things that you can help guide other people through, but your example and your inspiration, you know, can serve others, right?
Dean Miles [00:11:20] Yeah, I wish. I mean, this goes it has to be a true statement for all of us. I wish I knew then what I know now. Sure. I mean, it could it would be so different. My working with a coach helped me kind of find the ways of how do I assess or rank or grade the day at the end of the day, at the end of a week. At the end of a year. A much more wise to not greeted by circumstances and much more likely to greet it by how many adventure moments that I have. How many all moments did I have? And so I can go to bed that night and know that I have adventure that I have, or that I have advocacy moments or Gaza, what my circumstances have been. Oh, man, that’s a great day. Like today could be horrific because I spent the day with you and we’ve had some amazing life and adventure. It’s going to be a good day. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:12:19] Well, and what you’re saying too, one of my teachers said that until what is significance is created by you, you’re not living your own life. You’re living some inherited life. And that’s what I’m hearing And what you’re sharing. This exact thing that you chose are adventure and advocacy to be kind of the measures or what matters in your life. And then you organize your life in that direction. And I imagine it was a very different life for you before you did that for sure.
Dean Miles [00:12:48] So yeah, and sometimes those elements were there, but I just missed them. I didn’t know how to value them. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:12:54] Well, that by the way. Yeah, that is something I think is very common. And I’ve seen it so much in my coaching and in my own life, honestly, that I now have a name for it. I call it the lot of unacknowledged experience.
Dean Miles [00:13:06] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:13:07] We want something, but until we declare it, until we acknowledge it or admit it, or our awareness expands, we can be experiencing the very thing we say we want, but not have the experience of it because we’re not aware of it. Right. Giving an example, right. That I’ll coach leaders, many of whom are men who will say they want to be good dads.
Dean Miles [00:13:28] Mm hmm.
Brilliant Miller [00:13:28] And then I’ll ask them. We’ll start by defining what does that even mean to you? Right. And then they’ll give me usually some qualitative description. Oh, it’s, you know, I’ll spend time or they’ll give some of the kind of description like I spend time with my kids or, you know, they would just feel that I love them or whatever. But they would say, okay, well, what kinds of things do you think? Well, first of all, say, do you spend time?
Dean Miles [00:13:49] Well, yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:13:50] We spent some time. Right. And what kinds of things do you do with your kids now? And they’ll tell me and often it’s what do you think that your kids feel love when you do that and they’ll acknowledge? Well, yeah, I think they do. And I’ll say, well, then don’t you have the thing that you just said you want? Interesting, right? And in many cases we do. Now it might be a matter of degree or depth or whatever, but consistency. But very often, if we’re not even aware of it, we can have the experience and it can go totally unacknowledged.
Dean Miles [00:14:18] Yeah, I think we just into self-protection, even just kind of go numb. Go numb in that space. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:14:24] Well, let’s talk about this for a moment on the topic of living a good life.
Dean Miles [00:14:29] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:14:30] When we set out to figure out what does it mean, how can we do it, we talked about where does that journey even begin? Where do we even or where could we look now? Like it’s always the answer.
Dean Miles [00:14:43] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:14:44] It’s life is not, I don’t think there’s an algorithm exactly. For happiness and success and everything, but nevertheless, there are probably principles. Right. So when we talked about this, the foundation of a good life. Where did we end up?
Dean Miles [00:15:02] Well, I was. I was so hoping you were gonna throw me something else there. Remind me.
Brilliant Miller [00:15:09] Well, we talked about the power of outcomes or goals.
Dean Miles [00:15:12] Oh, yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:15:13] And we talked about emotions. Right. Right. And this again, I’ll say something I just said a moment ago. I think this is useful for coaches. It’s useful for anyone, I think, but it’s particularly useful for coaches because this is the kind of thing that you can use in your own life to level up right and be the best version of yourself. Therefore being the best coach you can be, it’s also a kind of thing that you can share with your clients, not necessarily through instruction, right? You don’t necessarily need to like get the whiteboard out and teach them these things. Sometimes you might principals of goal setting or models in the world of emotional awareness and emotional mastery, you might teach that, but maybe through gentle questioning, you know, through probing, through persuasion, through listening to stories and inviting other shares and things like that, understanding some of these principles that I think we’ll talk about today related to emotions and outcomes, I think can be supremely useful for a coach.
Dean Miles [00:16:13] Yeah, I’m pausing there because I understand the words you just said. There’s no shortcut to this. It’s not just reading a book. I mean, I think there is a significant slowing down and a real true introspection and being honest with yourself. Yeah. Outcomes. The outcomes are easier to pick. Lots of good examples. You can pick someone else’s outcomes and transfer them as your own. Is the emotion side the it really becomes the struggle of just as you look at your past, how committed are you? How much quit do you have? And you always how many times have you broken your own promises to yourself? There’s the imposter syndrome. I just all of these emotions and so far we all know the negative ones, but they’re just so real and they’re so true. And I think sometimes we get into coaching because we’re even trying to figure out our own stuff or trying to coach ourselves first.
Brilliant Miller [00:17:17] We teach what we need to learn.
Dean Miles [00:17:19] Yeah, well, I’m a classic example of this. That’s where I kind of just pause on the seriousness of those emotions and what I like of what we’re doing here with this. The coaches commonplace coaching can really be lonely in a classic coaching relationship. It’s rarely, if ever, about you, it’s always about them. And so therefore it’s just never about you. And so you’re dealing with your own things and you’re kind of exhausted by the end of that day. And so it gets lonely. So when I, when I meet someone like you, or we can kind of talk shop or part of the Hunter coaches community, it helps with being able to talk some of those three those things through and get in the right alignment with my emotions and how to be honest and true with those where I am not a hypocrite and coaching something that I’m not actually living. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:18:17] No, I’m with you there. And I know a lot of coaches have this concern about, well, maybe I’m not and I’m not successful enough or I’m not my life isn’t organized enough to be a coach. Like who am I to coach others?
Dean Miles [00:18:29] Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:18:30] Right.
Dean Miles [00:18:30] And I. I will.
Brilliant Miller [00:18:33] Look at the first of all, I’ll look at the fact that pretty much all the top performers in the world in every field have coaches. You know, now we’re seeing it more and more in business, whether it’s in sports, of course, for a long time. But whether it’s acting or, you know, other fields that the top performers seek coaches. But what’s interesting to me is the people who are coaches are very often not necessarily people who’ve produced those results before or even capable. You know, if you look at athletes, you look at someone like, say, Tiger Woods was an extraordinary golfer. I don’t think any of his coaches could play as well as he could, but they can still be effective in helping him increase his effectiveness as a golfer.
Dean Miles [00:19:15] Right. So, no. Yeah, it’s very true. It’s very true. But there’s no but there. It’s very true. It’s still hard. Yeah, it’s still hard. And I think there’s intentionality. You’ve interviewed a lot of writers, authors that push through that writer’s block, you know, that just have those morning routines I’ve done. As a coach, though, that helps me the more intentionally my routine is when I go to bed. And the more true my routine is with how I wake up kind of puts me in the right position and the right attitude. The right emotions tend to come. You know, I’ve been married 31 years and mine I have a really fun argument about what should come first. Do, do does behavior drive emotions or does emotions drive behavior? Yes. I knew you’re going to say that. I am very so. I’m an INFP on the Myers-Briggs and on the Enneagram I’m a seven. So I’m much more of the party guy. The fun guy, the leader guy. That’s true until it is. I mean, my pension can really swing. But I find that these routines help me. So I don’t wait for the emotion. I focus on the right behavior. And then the emotions tend to come back up in the morning. I don’t want to go to the gym, but I go to the gym and on the drive back, I’m so glad I went to the gym.
Brilliant Miller [00:20:44] What’s that? I forget exactly how it was said or even who said it, but the saying, a writer famously said, You know, I only write when inspiration strikes. But fortunately, it strikes every morning at 9 a.m..
Dean Miles [00:20:57] You know? Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:20:58] And then you sit down and you work. And I remember reading some words that Frank Herbert, who wrote Dune, you know, said about this. He said something like, I developed the discipline to write consistently, whether I felt like it or not. And sometimes I did feel like it, he said. But after the fact, when I would read my own writing, I couldn’t discern what were the passages that I wrote when I was inspired, when I was feeling inspired, and the ones when I wasn’t. So for anybody who might be harboring this idea of like, Oh, you know, I’m only going to get after it, I’m only going to build my business, I’m only going to write my book or do whatever, go to the gym if I’m feeling motivated. Right. There’s another way of of living.
Dean Miles [00:21:38] Well, I think that’s the power of outcomes and emotions and this idea of good living and focusing on the outcomes and the emotions, because they’re both going to serve you well, maybe at different times. Sometimes they align together. But sometimes my goal or the outcome will push me through my negative emotions. And sometimes my emotions will pull me through. And I’m just scared to death of can I really achieve this outcome? Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:22:05] So before we leave this topic of the foundation of living a good life, emotions and outcomes. As we talk, one thing that has come to mind is the concept of cultivating mindfulness. Right. And that first hit my radar. Like, I’m at a point now where I meditate every day, every morning, every night. Sometimes I miss a session, but I’m very, very consistent. And I didn’t used to be that way when I was first introduced to this idea of meditation. Little bit weird, like I thought. I’ve heard of that, you know, for other people or whatever. But I learned from Jack Canfield. He wrote this book, The Success Principles.
Brilliant Miller [00:22:50] I think this book is probably 500 pages. It’s a lifetime of his wisdom, you know, teaching and learning. And when he was interviewed about the book, it’s very long book. People would say, just give me a snap, give me a soundbite, or tell me the most important principle in it. What’s the one thing I could do that will improve the quality of my life the fastest? And Jack said he’d always answer those journalists or those bloggers with the same question. He said, That’s easy. It’s meditate, it’s grow your mindfulness. And I’ve since heard that and then subsequently experienced it as I practice in my own life. But the thing is, and there’s another lesson I learned from Jack, because he said, Look, as a coach, your job like your maybe your number one responsibility is to help your clients expand their awareness, to improve the range and quality of possibilities available to them. Right. The philosopher of Open House said that every man or every person takes the limits of his vision to be the limits of the world. In other words, we all get locked in our own little boxes.
Dean Miles [00:23:49] So good.
Brilliant Miller [00:23:49] Right? Or as David Foster Wallace said, trapped in our skull shaped, I think you said kingdoms.
Dean Miles [00:23:56] We get in, we get trapped. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:23:58] And helping a coach can help us break out. We can help ourselves break out of those limited worldviews. And mindfulness is one of those. Now, here’s the thing, and many people listening to this have probably already got their own practice. So I might be preaching to the choir, so to speak, but there’s always the opportunity to deepen. And I’m speaking to myself here, to write, to deepen, actually. And I can get pretty kicked out about this because I think about it this way and coaches can think about this. If you have the opportunity to travel back in time or forward in time, 5000 years. But you couldn’t take anything with you. No technology, no books, not even a photograph of you. It was just you. Maybe you were dressed so it wasn’t too weird, but you were naked. But you could go and you couldn’t take anything. What would you say? Or what would you do to help improve the quality of life for the people you would meet?
Dean Miles [00:24:52] You know, that’s interesting because, one, there’s an assumption that they would need it, that their quality of life, whatever they want, they would require that. Sure. But I know what you mean there. When one says, I think what I find myself spending time coaching on today were probably the elements where they were still healthy, where everyone still lived in the same 40 acres and was probably more of an oral tradition. They all ate dinner together. I mean, just some of that community aspect. So, you know, the loneliness that we feel today. Gosh, what a great question. My mind’s going to they’d probably have more impact on me.
Brilliant Miller [00:25:37] Yeah, it’s probably true for me too. And in a similar kind of question is this idea that, you know, we’ve developed all this technology, we’ve learned so much, especially in the last few hundred years, right, as the pace of life seems to have accelerated. But is life any better for people? Are they any happier? Are they any healthier? Right. Like, truth is the quality of our lives better than it was 100 years ago. And I don’t know for sure.
Dean Miles [00:26:07] I mean, certainly the belief that we’re alive. Medicine’s better. You know, I think physically better, emotionally, maybe not better.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:19] Emotionally maybe not better. And that’s part of this idea of mindfulness.
Dean Miles [00:26:25] Well.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:26] It’s being able to recognize, first of all, to do our best to deal with what is so. Because I think as physical beings existing in time and space, being in this universe with our limitations of our five senses and our intellect, I don’t think we’re perceiving reality objectively or fully. Right. It’s being limited.
Dean Miles [00:26:47] Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:26:48] We know dogs can hear sounds, ranges of sounds we can’t hear. We know our eyes can’t see the full spectrum of light that’s available in the universe. And then the intellect, as we’ve heard of this, biases and filters. We have so much. Right. Right. So if we have any hope of I don’t even want to say transcending that, but like becoming aware, at least becoming aware of that, I think mindfulness is essential. And I’ve seen this in my own life because growing up in a family of wealth that we weren’t always wealthy. My parents were middle class, like blue collar, salt of the earth people. But nevertheless, I have to acknowledge I’ve always been very fortunate.
Dean Miles [00:27:23] Mm hmm.
Brilliant Miller [00:27:24] And I have seen that possessions won’t bring lasting happiness. Achievement doesn’t seem to bring lasting happiness. It can. It’s essential, I think, for happiness to have a goal, to have a direction, to understand why we’re moving that way. But once we reach it,
Brilliant Miller [00:27:42] It’s in the rearview mirror right away. Right. So it’s not possessions, It’s not even achievements or experiences we talk about. This idea of not waiting until some day. Right. And you had your own version of that when you sold everything.
Dean Miles [00:27:59] Right and right.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:00] Traveled for a couple of years with your family. And those experiences will always exist for you as happy memories. I would think we’re all happy now.
Dean Miles [00:28:11] Several times on the side of the road with the flat tire in the RV and kids screaming and wife has a headache. And yeah, real life still happened.
Brilliant Miller [00:28:19] Yeah, real life still happens. And so if it’s not possessions, it’s not achievements, It’s not even experiences. If there’s anything that can help us to be happy. What is it? And I think it’s and happy isn’t even the right word, I don’t think. Right. Because even then, what does that mean? And there’s versions of it. We talking about joy, Are we talking about pleasure or are we talking about ecstasy or whatever? But I do think that this is our default state. I could be wrong, but I love what Kahlil Gibran wrote that your joy is your sorrow unmasked, meaning that this is who we are at essence and we can see it with a child who’s open, who’s free, who’s curious. Right. Right. Generous. Right. And somewhere along the way, I think we tend to lose that as adults. But if there’s a path back, a path home to return to our self for the child within us, or to find the happiness at our essence or the love. I think mindfulness is a key, if not the key.
Dean Miles [00:29:22] I agree. Brilliant. You started talking about the hierarchy of these needs. I think there’s different things that unlock us in different ways. I like looking at Elon Musk and what he has accomplished and where he’s used mindfulness to push himself. And so his sister was interviewed and was asked this question. A serious, serious journalist asked this question Is your brother like an alien? And she smiled. And I love her response. Or and or is he from the future? And I guess that was the question. There’s a line from the future. And she’s like, No, he isn’t. She’s a but I actually think he’s the only one that’s currently living in the present. Because he’s using all the materials and all the knowledge is currently available right now. Any of us could have done what he is currently doing. Well, by her theory, most of us are living in the past. He’s the only one living in the present. And so I wonder, what does that mean for you and I? How can we push ourselves in these spaces? But I like your separating the emotion of content or being happy so we can enjoy the journey without being tied to the outcome. Yeah. How would you do that? We kind of listen to the same people. How would you open that up?
Brilliant Miller [00:30:49] Well, I do think so. Then when I come to this thing about emotions and outcomes and why this is such a valuable starting point when it comes to living a good life, is the idea or maybe the reality that in every moment we’ve already produced some outcome. You have a net worth, you have a body fat percentage, you have a level of satisfaction with your marriage. You have all these outcomes, right?
Brilliant Miller [00:31:14] Whether you had goals or not, you have already produced them. And what’s more, you in the process of producing them right now, right As Tony Robbins says, you always succeed in producing a result. So you’re already doing something. The question is, is it one that you want, the one you’re even aware of? Right. And if not, there’s an opportunity there. Now, some people might a pessimist might call that a problem. There’s a problem.
Dean Miles [00:31:39] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:31:40] An optimist might call that an opportunity. So, so much of this, again, is in choice, awareness and choice of how you even frame things. But that’s the first reality here. You already have a set of outcomes, but are the ones you want. Are you even aware of what they are and you’re in the process of producing them? The second thing is with emotions you already have. You already experience. And I think humans are capable of experiencing a very broad range of emotions. But most of us seem to live. We make an emotional home on some part of that spectrum. We tend and there’s some big ones for us, whether it’s frustration or whether it’s anger or whatever. And we tend to call this like it’s our mood or maybe even our personality, right? But we don’t need to get stuck somewhere on that spectrum. We can open up or explore more of that. It’s available to us. And what’s more, I really believe that we’re always looking for a feeling. Whatever goal it is we set for ourselves is ultimately a strategy to achieve a feeling of whatever. I’m lovable or I’m good enough, you know, I’m special. Or whatever. Yeah, I see.
Dean Miles [00:32:46] Boys. Excuse. Right. Of being a victim or of why I couldn’t achieve it? Yes.
Brilliant Miller [00:32:57] I’m not sure.
Dean Miles [00:32:57] I made sense in my head. Well, I’m not.
Brilliant Miller [00:33:01] Maybe. I mean, somewhere.
Dean Miles [00:33:04] Well, I think there’s also the is the justification. Well it’s that X factor is the saboteur is the emotions that that plays into. I’m doing my best or day of the emotion of I’m exhausted. Sure. And that’s why I couldn’t do whatever it is and I was wanting to do.
Brilliant Miller [00:33:24] Sure. Well, and as human beings, we’re organisms.
Dean Miles [00:33:28] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:33:28] And as far as I can tell, every organism. Is motivated toward pleasure and away from pain that I think it really can be distilled that simple now. Sometimes that might be too reductive, but other times it’s very basic. So we’ll move away from shame, guilt, remorse, write sadness, these things. We’ll move away from that towards something that we experience as less painful or more pleasurable. But a challenge in our lives, I think, especially our modern lives, is that a lot of what brings us pleasure actually has a pretty significant downside. So that comes back to awareness and power of coaching, right, to help our clients even know what they want. So what is it you want? I’m committed that that is life’s operative question. Now, it’s often one of the hardest questions to answer, but it’s also it can be one of the most useful questions to have clarity. What do you want?
Dean Miles [00:34:19] Yeah, you and I are both recently exposed to a working definition of realities is usually defined by these three things pain, uncertainty and constant hard work. And I think we’re either trying to reduce those three or find the opposite of those three, right? The opposite of pain. The opposite of uncertainty in the opposite of constant hard work. Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:34:42] Absolutely. So with this, you know, just opening opening up this as a. I don’t know. A line of inquiry. Yeah. Four coaches in their own lives, you know, really mapping out what is it that I want? What is the one on one of my business? What is it that I want in my health? What is it that I want in my relationship? And whether those are set as goals or aspirations or intentions or standards or whatever word you would use?
Dean Miles [00:35:07] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:35:07] Like being deliberate about that and keeping it somewhere. I know my experience for a lot of years was I would go to a seminar or I would like maybe watch a TED talk or hear something, read a book, and I’d have a little bit of inspiration, capture some thoughts and set that notebook aside. But and maybe this comes exactly back to that idea of a commonplace book of having some kind of a repository that you can return to that you can refine. Right? That might not always be true for you, that this is my purpose or these are my goals. But knowing where to go to even find them that were true for you at one time and either re remember them, reorient yourself to them, or edit them and keep living in the direction of of what matters most.
Dean Miles [00:35:48] What I or you reminding me of what I’m hearing a friend of ours I save or sell. Is a very well known designer, designs products and spaces through a phase of deconstructing and then reconstructing and then comes out with something new and then took that into this idea of designing a life and designing a life that you would love. The essence of that designing is having a plan. So what I’m hearing you say and so you’re a sort of business associate for taking a loans. A bank wants to see the business plan. I remember my first year of coaching and taking one of these templates. This was 2026 when I initially did this business plan, and I’ve gone back and looked at it and it’s really interesting to see how well that set me on the path and how much we exceeded those first 24 months. But something about having a plan and having a plan for your coaching practice, but also having a plan for your marriage, having a plan as a parent, having a plan for your physical health, your mental health. I find we wing too much of that. We take our natural ability and think we’re going to get to that question of as a coach. Can you be made a coach? Are you born a coach? But I think that plan aspect, taking whatever potential you have an ability you have. We know this. We just don’t do the discipline to actually go and write it down. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:37:21] Well, in with that, like hearing what you’re saying too, I’m reminded of how I think there’s a balance or there can be we can look for one between what I would say using the intellect and the heart, you know, the head and the heart or the. I’ve heard it described as maybe the ego and the essence, right. That there’s a time and a place to be really thoughtful. And there’s another, I think, a time and a place to feel into these things and to let our plans come from both. Because I’ve heard it said, you know, that no plan survives contact with reality.
Dean Miles [00:38:00] Right. Yes. Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:38:01] And the quote that I’ve heard attributed to Eisenhower about. Plans are worthless, but planning is everything. And it’s just a thought.
Dean Miles [00:38:12] I really like that.
Brilliant Miller [00:38:13] Right. Of where am I trying to go and why and what are the strategies that I would use to get there, and who do I have to be in the matter and what other resources might I enroll like? But making the plan causes you to confront those questions.
Dean Miles [00:38:25] That’s a really great distinction, right?
Brilliant Miller [00:38:26] But life is so dynamic that the moment you have it written down in a plan and the world changes, you change.
Dean Miles [00:38:32] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:38:32] Right. That that saying that a man can’t stand in the same river twice. Right. Because when he comes back, it’s a different river and he’s a different man. And that’s true of our plans, too. But it doesn’t mean the plan isn’t worth creating. But I guess the to come back to where I started this, this idea of not doing our best to not only create the plan from the intellect and I will go even further to say this. This is one of those things I’m kind of gently looking for the universe to continue teaching me on is what is the value of non doing right, spontaneous right action or woo way in Chinese teaching, right. And to let life work through us. Right? One of my teachers suggests that in life there’s only aliveness and patterns that block aliveness. And how can we let those patterns that block the aliveness that wants to flow through us? Maybe this is just you know, I don’t know. It’s not just me, but the longer I live, the more I believe that the same life inside me is the same life in that tree outside and in you and, you know, can some kind of source, right? Like a life. But there is life. Right. Like somebody suggested to me that we tend to think of birth and death or life and death as opposites. We think of life and death as opposites often. But that life and death aren’t opposites, that birth and death are opposites, but that life has no opposite. That life is one unending process. There’s unfolding and we’re a part of it. And I think, by the way, just to keep my promise, I’m kind of on it. Yeah. You see, I get kind of animated about this, that when we see ourselves as distinct from, I want to say, from life, although I think that’s what’s happening, but from each other, you and me, especially labels and descriptions. This is my religion and we’re right and you’re wrong. And there’s my political party. And, you know, like all this that we’re not seeing ourselves as part of the life that is happening. Right. So how can we create our plans? From like end with and let life work within through us.
Dean Miles [00:40:39] Yeah, I want to make a distinction for myself and then for anyone who’s who’s listening with me, as Brilliant sharing this inner thought. I think the plan is so necessary because it doesn’t just happen. I know it’s not what you’re just saying, right? Life is going to happen, but your success or your impact, it doesn’t just happen, right? Is it in boredom? In lack of a plan? You can find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, making the wrong decision. I think with the plan and with life happening, I think the what the plan has helped me with is helps me. The goal isn’t to not fall. The the goal is to not fall further than necessary and to recover as authentically as possible. The times I didn’t have a outcome, a goal that I was striving for, or put the discipline in and writing out a plan. And like what you said, it’s not what the plan it was the process of producing the plan. That’s where the real value is. When I didn’t have that and I got distracted or I got tripped up, I fell further and then was necessary. And I stayed down there a really long time. No walls up, closed up. I’ve shared my story with you. I’ve climbed the rock with the intentionality of jumping off of it. That was the time period where I had a plan because life was happening and not just all good life happening is bad. Life happening too young. And so by by processing that plan and being able to reset myself and not further fall for the necessary. It really is life or death at that point. Yeah. I mean, that plan saved my life. Yeah. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:42:33] I can see that. And that’s why I say for me, this is like an inquiry that I’m in. Yeah, because I look at it and it’s like, I don’t think that she has a plan.
Dean Miles [00:42:42] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:42:43] But I’ve heard it said, I think it was loud too, that nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished. And it’s like there. It seems to be going on just fine. Yeah.
Dean Miles [00:42:54] I wonder if the difference brilliant is. The tree doesn’t have a plan, but also doesn’t have choice.
Brilliant Miller [00:43:03] Okay, Dean. So with this philosophical line of inquiry we’ve been following.
Dean Miles [00:43:09] Let’s bring about it.
Brilliant Miller [00:43:10] Let’s bring it back to something that might be more immediate for people listening, more relatable, more useful. And it’s on the topic of coaching about whether coaches are.
Dean Miles [00:43:22] Born.
Brilliant Miller [00:43:23] Or made. Do we have a choice in this matter or are effective coaches just a certain personality type? Or if we’re not, if we wonder if maybe we can do it or we have doubts about it or whatever, like our coaches board or are they made? Do we have a choice in this matter?
Dean Miles [00:43:40] Such a great question. I’ve thought. I’ve often thought. To go back thousands of years, like we mentioned earlier, 10,000 years ago. Or their coaches then. Hmm. You know, maybe that’s not what they were called, but just those that were in that space, which is all the natural ability. So if I do go back thousands of years ago from that classic question, are leaders born or leaders made? There was a long time period in our human history where it was, you’re born that way. I mean, there was just that royalty in that bloodline, and they called it the great man theory. There was just a God given ability to lead. And then we started making these observations that there were certain traits that seemed to be common and those that led well. But then we sort of go into was it also depends on just the the situation. Because you could have a specific trait for leadership, but if the circumstances weren’t aligned with that, then the trait really didn’t add value. So if I think about coaches, I think there are those. I’ve met them. They are just naturally curious. They are just naturally good at being able to pull out just this greatness and someone else. So I think there are those that are born to do this, and I think there’s the rest of us where through blood, sweat and tears and taking some level of ability and then practicing and practicing and practicing and practicing and kind of honing their skill, I think there are known traits. I think there are known skills that differentiate between a good coach and a great coach. What do you think, though, on this topic?
Brilliant Miller [00:45:30] Well, I do think that there are people who are maybe better suited. I would say it’s a judgment, right. But there are people whose personalities lend to them being. Effective coaches or even gravitating toward coaching in the first place. And at the same time, I do believe that coaching is a skill that we can learn, just like we can learn to drive a stick shift or we can learn to bake a cake, you know. Now, the results of that, the ride might be a little jerky for a while, or the cake might be a little more beautiful, a taste better for another. But nevertheless, I think that it’s something we can learn. You know, you can learn to hit a golf ball. It’s not always easy, but. But you can learn it, Right? Right. So for people who wonder. But here’s also like another marker that I look at is if somebody is wondering if they can be a coach or if they have what it takes or whatever. Now, it’s a different question, a little bit of a different question to ask if they can earn a living or support themselves or whatever.
Dean Miles [00:46:32] Right.
Brilliant Miller [00:46:32] But if they’re just asking, like, can I can I be effective at the can I be good at this? I think anybody asking that question is probably the kind of person who’s more likely to be at like adept at coaching. It’s just my.
Dean Miles [00:46:48] Yeah, I agree. I agree with that with that assessment. When I went through my certification process, the last six months are just through the practicum where I had the the challenge was go find a real life client who would pay you something. And then I was. When the ICF accredited certification program, where I had to then send in to a professor, this is in New York. So a couple of my coaching sessions and then they were going to grade them.
Brilliant Miller [00:47:17] Which is like a video recording.
Dean Miles [00:47:19] No audio, just an audio recording, you know. So with permission, the client knew that. So of course I picked my best ones, my my best coaching sessions, and they would be 15 minute segments that I would send out. So this guy, Ron Renowned was the was the professor who would listen to this. He knows me from Izumi at all the. Calls me and he’s like, Hey, I listen to your different segments. He’s like, Let me ask you a couple of questions on your background. Okay. He’s like, You were in sales. I’m like, It wasn’t sales. It was you were in pharmaceutical sales. You know, he knows nothing about me and he’s reading my mail.
Brilliant Miller [00:47:57] Maybe he’s an Internet stalker.
Dean Miles [00:47:59] I mean, could be, but. No. And I said I was in pharmaceuticals, and he said, You’re really going to struggle being a coach. Wow. And I was like, okay, that’s pretty tough feedback. It’s a little too late. I’ve already quit my job, but I’m already really fully invested with this. Why would you say that? And then what am I going to have to do? And then he said, Dean, you’ve mastered the art of fake curiosity. He said, I can hear you. He goes, So pours that story. I have some natural ability in being just instinctive and just being able to see what that person’s not saying. Body language and just I obey my instinct so good. That has served me well in sales. All right. I knew what you needed to hear, and I figured it out. And I’ll lead you to the sale. But in coaching, that’s different. He’s like genius in every recording you sent me. He goes early. You already figured out what the problem was. And through using questions, you line them up to your conclusion. Math. Is it on the scale of you? One is you’ve damaged this individual in ten. This was masterful coaching. He said, I’m going to give you a three. Holy cow. That was rough to then go sit back because I knew it was true. I just never heard a label that way of I’ve mastered the art of fake curiosity. So to be able to get into that space of having some natural ability, but then to really sit in that space and trust the you as my client, that you’re creative, you’re resourceful, you’re whole. I don’t know what’s best for you. No, I’m good at pulling out all these different perspectives. But it’s your choice. So going beyond fake curiosity to genuine curiosity. He was right. It was hard. It was really, really challenging for me.
Brilliant Miller [00:50:02] How did you do it?
Dean Miles [00:50:05] Great question. Assuming I assuming did it.
Brilliant Miller [00:50:08] That’s right. There was a business. There was an assumption implicit in that question.
Dean Miles [00:50:12] I know. I know that I have done that. I’ve gotten that feedback. But so what? It was being authentic and transparent. Some of my clients where I tell them my own story, especially those initial coaching sessions and being a newer coach, I might do this. Hmm. I’m. I’m watching myself. If it feels like I figured you out and now you should have your your attorney saying, objection. Leading the witness. Right. Feel free to pause me. So that helped. And then having a great community and then continuing the certification process. I was giving feedback. Or they put you in the Triads, right? In your coaching or role playing, and someone else is listening, and they’re like, You’re doing it. You’re doing it. So that helped. Just muscle memory.
Brilliant Miller [00:50:59] Yeah. So what I’m hearing in that it’s common to everything I heard you just say was awareness. You expanded your awareness of yourself. Right. But then there was also there was some external structure, whether it was the client, like letting that making them aware and then making a request of them. There was the triad. There was a structure there. Right. So there was awareness and there was also you conditioned your environment and then unrolled other people in your effort to become more curious and less a master of the fake curiosity.
Dean Miles [00:51:29] Yeah. And there was there was a my intent was good the first time, even when I was in sales, my intent wasn’t to sell something to someone that they didn’t need. I was using this skill for good, not for evil. But just to changing the mindset that to best serve them was to change my intent, to just be curious, period. Yeah. Yeah. That’s beautiful. Did you struggle with that or you figured you’ve you know how to solve their problem and that they would just listen to you? You could solve this? I don’t think.
Brilliant Miller [00:52:12] So, because.
Dean Miles [00:52:13] You don’t get frustrated with clients who are like, It’s right there. You don’t see.
Brilliant Miller [00:52:17] It? No, No, I don’t. I mean, I think of the classic Buddhist story of the, you know, the recruiter who comes to the father and says his son has been conscripted. Yes. Right. Right. But then he’s like, oh, what terrible news. But then the son breaks his leg. And the father’s response is always, We’ll see.
Dean Miles [00:52:36] Right. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [00:52:37] We’ll see. We’ll see. We’ll see why things are good and bad. We’ll see that in the bigger context of life. Like, I don’t know. Right. I don’t know if losing a job or getting divorced or getting a diagnosis is actually a good or bad thing. So I don’t know. I don’t I don’t think this, again, is where I maybe get a little philosophical, but I don’t know that there is such a thing as a problem. Like often the problem is that we think it’s a problem and I’m not sure there’s such thing as a solution. So I certainly don’t know whether those things even exist, let alone what they would be for my client.
Dean Miles [00:53:12] Right. You know what I love your bringing it up is how these belief systems or these models that we run in our heads influence and then how we coach. Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:53:22] Absolutely.
Dean Miles [00:53:22] Those of us are on the other side of almost every problem. Has a solution. And my God, there are problems. I’m not saying that that’s me, but I know there’s coaches that feel that way. They show up to their client a way different with a different level of patience.
Brilliant Miller [00:53:36] And and then, you know, one of my current beliefs or the thing I’m testing is also if there is such thing as a problem and a solution that often the solution merely contains the seed of the next problem. Right. So in a way, solving problems becomes an endless waste of time. And my goal, or one of my goals or my approaches with the client is not to help them solve their problems. That’s not how I look at it.
Dean Miles [00:54:00] This is good, right?
Brilliant Miller [00:54:02] It’s. I want them to be the person they want to be. Right. And I want them to live the life they want to live, whatever that means to them. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what it should be. Right at the moment we’re working together. They probably don’t either or we wouldn’t be working together. That’s right. But that’s my commitment to my client, is to do what I can with what I know and the talents that I have to help them be who they want to be, live the life they want to live. Right? That’s it. And beyond that, like, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s right. I don’t know what’s right for myself, let alone what’s right for you. Exactly. Right. Now, I know things I’m committed to.
Dean Miles [00:54:34] Right?
Brilliant Miller [00:54:36] So I know that. And that brings us back to both awareness. It brings us back to language, the power of language. Yes. Right. Honoring desire in our truth. So some of this, I realize, or at least my own story about myself, is when I talk about it, I can get pretty philosophical. And there are certain people that we can stay up till 5 a.m. chatting, you know, this way. And there’s other people that will just tell me the answer, Give me the solution. Right? Give me the tool and let me move on or maybe make some money or help a bunch of people. And that’s fine. But this is just the way that I look at it. Coaching, you know, it’s not my sum. I rather fix you. It’s not my role. It’s not my role to help you solve problems.
Dean Miles [00:55:18] Yeah, you and I have talked about just what are the were the foundational skills or traits for master level coaching. And then how does that tie in to certification? Mm hmm. How do you blend those two things together?
Brilliant Miller [00:55:35] Well, as I as I’ve learned and as I’ve practiced, I do believe that there are qualities. So, first of all, I believe they’re skills. And I’m repeating something I said before that I absolutely think there are skills that we can learn and we will go deep into those now. But in future, conversations on a coach is commonplace. We’ll explore, yeah, what some of those are and we’ll invite people. I want to invite people, or at least read is written to share with us what they’ve learned. But A there are skills and b, I think there are qualities or attributes that we can cultivate. We can aspire, we can practice, whether that’s empathy, whether that’s curiosity, whether that’s presence, right? Whether that’s humor, whether that’s trusting our intuition. So there’s these different things that, again, I can’t tell you how to follow, how to cultivate your intuition, but I can suggest to you that it is a quality that if you cultivate, will help you be an effective coach.
Dean Miles [00:56:27] Yeah, well said.
Brilliant Miller [00:56:28] Right. So there’s there’s that as well. And in the coaches training program that we’ve created, I’ve got I think we’re at 13 right now, 13 of these and I’m not saying it’s the stone tablets of coaching you know the qualities that make an effective coach. But I think coaches when they’re learning this, they’re learning how to do this and learning how to do this well, they recognize, oh, yes, those things that if I if I don’t want to say focus or amplifier, cultivate that, but that’s probably the right word. Like if they consciously bring those to the fore.
Dean Miles [00:57:02] Of a. conversation or an interaction with another, you know, a coaching session that can help their client to experience them as an effective coach and themselves as an effective coach and to enjoy it. So it makes sense.
Dean Miles [00:57:15] It makes complete sense. To get better. I mean, there has to be a scorecard. There has to be areas where you’re focusing in on so on those skills. So what are you know, I do a lot of corporate business coaching, so trying to find the right skills as a coach to go into the space as a strategy. They go into the spaces of execution, they go into the spaces of culture. How do I pull those different aspects out of this leader? Because sometimes we’re we’re not we’re not coaching for development, we’re coaching for change. So there’s an X to Y by when there’s a metric that has to shift. Now it always comes back to behavior, but what are the skill sets a coach needs to have to get access to that in the client?
Brilliant Miller [00:58:08] Well, and I would say this too. I think this can be a useful way of looking at or thinking about coaching is part of our role, I believe, as coaches. And my inner critic is coming up in this description, I’m going to use it anyway, is to hold space. It’s good, right? Because just like we occupy a space in the physical universe with our bodies in this moment, we could plot our coordinates for the universe. I think we go places emotionally, too, right? And sometimes it can be helpful for someone to invite us into a space where that aspect of ourselves, that. That emotional aspect of ourselves. Item. Again, I don’t know the words to use on this, but we can start to explore and we can start to allow ourselves to be seen and to be heard and that we can grow on our own. We can read a book, we can go to the gym, we can do stuff that can help us be healthier, happier, more effective versions of ourselves. But I think there are certain ways that we can only grow when there’s a witness to our growth. Right? A collaborator, a co-creator. There’s something. A coach. Right now, I’m not saying a coaching as a coach is the only person who can do that. Sometimes a friend can do that. Sometimes a spouse or partner can do that. Another human being take off the label can be that. But I think a coach has a unique opportunity and has been invited, if not explicitly, to fill that function for people. And to me, that’s an incredible privilege.
Dean Miles [00:59:40] Yes. You see, that reminded me of this. And I’ve gotten to over the 17 years I’ve coached. I continue to get this feedback. How I coach Monday morning versus how I coach Friday afternoon. Same guy. Different coaching. So my average client has been with me over ten years. They’re the ones who took give me the feedback of how I coach early in the morning versus how I coach in the afternoon because I’m tired in the beginning of the week versus the end of the week. It just tells me my skill level shows up differently with my energy level and my ability to be present and all those things on the same person did just that for me. It just reiterates how important those skills are. Yeah, because when they wave or when they’re fully present. So now in that class they will schedule me at specific time, depending on how their life is going. If they really want me to be sharp, they’ll get me earlier in the week or earlier in the day. And if they want to be on a slide show, some things they’ll schedule me in the afternoons or at the end of the week. Isn’t that interesting?
Brilliant Miller [01:00:59] That it’s interesting. Totally. I think totally normal, right? Because we’re always just like everything in nature that there are seasons and there are phases. Right? And of course, that’s going to be true with us energy levels.
Dean Miles [01:01:11] And so my presence just isn’t enough. The fact that I’m just a coach isn’t enough.
Brilliant Miller [01:01:16] Well, I think it might have more value or power than, you know, just the act of being with another.
Dean Miles [01:01:26] That’s a good point. I mean, that’s a good point. However, I might appreciate that. That’s a fancy way of saying, but.
Dean Miles [01:01:35] I think you’re letting me off the hook. Just the presence of a coach is there. But man, is it different. So as I become aware of that, because when I’m on. I mean, it often gets to my own horn here. I’m really good. I mean, my ability to pull greatness out of somebody’s. But when I haven’t done the right pre-work, when I don’t have clarity of outcome, I don’t have clarity of emotion. I don’t have all these things we’ve been talking about now, when I haven’t had my time with you and I haven’t had the time with other coaches in the community of the iron sharpening iron, when I’m not reading, when I’m not pushing myself, you know. I’m not as good as the coat of a goat. Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [01:02:22] Well, that goes back exactly to the thing that’s come up in this conversation a few times is that anything that helps to be a better version of yourself, right? Will help you show up as a better, more effective coach. So I think we’re seeing that in what you’re saying. And at the same time, I also want to just call out this idea that, yeah, we can show up with more intensity. We can show up for our clients with more clarity or whatever. And at the same time, I really want to invite people listening, especially those who are maybe at the beginning of their coaching journey, or they’re thinking about it to really to really consider or even believe that you don’t have to do anything that you’re not already doing and you don’t have to be somebody you’re not. You don’t have to force yourself or contort yourself or will yourself or whatever to be or do something that you’re not already to be an effective coach. Now we show up differently, different times of day, different day of the week, different person. We have different chemistry, like all of that. And I don’t know if I’m making my point clearly, but sometimes I think we can go, Oh, I don’t know if I have this in me to do this thing, but I just want to suggest that you absolutely do. And it’s not a function of like going and doing. Yeah. All these push ups and affirmations and like all this, you don’t have to be someone you’re not to be an effective coach.
Dean Miles [01:03:39] I think that’s a great reminder. I often find many of us did not use coaching to use that phrase and chose you. My earliest age, I would be the person nine years old, ten years old, that people would come find in the playground and tell me all their stuff. Right? I mean, what is that? I hear that happened with a lot of people that now do full time. Yeah. Coaching. So. So it picked me. So if you’ve stayed this long, even in this podcast, you already have everything you need now. Now, with that said, the end here is that there’s range and what, what certifications, what communities have done for me within that space of authenticity. It pushed me in my rage. Yeah. There’s times where I come on too strong and I need to. I need to yield. And there’s places where I’m playing really small and I need to show up way bigger. And so that’s where I think the opportunity to grow and to come participate in this common place where we get to share these things together. Of where did you pull back and where have you pushed yourself to be uncomfortable all within the confines of boundaries of being authentic? Yeah.
Brilliant Miller [01:05:02] Yeah, absolutely. Well, I propose that when we pick up our next conversation that we resume. We’ll see unless something seems more interesting or more relevant. But where we set an intention here to pick up then is on the topic of certification. Right. And whether it’s useful or not useful, how much it really matters. Like that kind of thing, maybe. Which one to look for?
Dean Miles [01:05:28] Because I think that the keys are is. I think we disagree.
Brilliant Miller [01:05:32] Well, we haven’t talked about it because we’re saving it for this conversation. And I have said and I don’t think I have strong opinions about many things, but I have a pretty strong opinion about this. So I’m looking forward to getting into it.
Dean Miles [01:05:44] And I’ll say I also have a strong opinion. I think we’re going to agree that it will come. We’re going to come at this for the way different expectations around it. I think.
Brilliant Miller [01:05:55] We’ll see.
Dean Miles [01:05:56] We’ve talked about so many things when you we’ve never talked about this topic. And I can’t wait for this.
Brilliant Miller [01:06:00] Awesome. Well, then it’s really good to see you. And as I said earlier, that I have committed I have declared that 2023 is and will be the best year of my life. And this hour has I’ve proved myself right. So thank.
Dean Miles [01:06:18] You. And I’m here and I’m expanding.
Brilliant Miller [01:06:20] Awesome. In all the right ways.
Dean Miles [01:06:23] In all the right ways.
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