Podcast Episode 10
Overcoming the Comfort Crisis

CCP10_Transcript.mp3

Dean Miles [00:00:00] As you should. You know what I don’t hear you saying, I don’t see you stuck in the regret of some choices that you’ve made previously. Yeah, when I just saw your face.

Brilliant Miller [00:00:13] No.

Dean Miles [00:00:14] No, but you could. We know a lot of us will do that. We get stuck. We get blocked to our aliveness.

Brilliant Miller [00:00:24] Mr. Dean. Miles, good to see you.

Dean Miles [00:00:27] Mr. Brilliant Miller. Always great to see you.

Brilliant Miller [00:00:31] Good to be back with you for another edition of the Coaches Commonplace book podcast, where we endeavor to serve coaches who are interested to grow their impact, their income, make the world a better place, have fun doing it. Principles related to good living, Principles related to being an effective coach, being a great coach, earning recognition and money, that kind of thing, you know?

Dean Miles [00:00:54] Sounds important.

Brilliant Miller [00:00:56] It is for some people, people like you and me.

Dean Miles [00:01:02] So, yes, love it.

Brilliant Miller [00:01:04] So, so much of this has to do with mindset. We’ll just jump right in here. We were talking before we started recording here and you were telling me about something you’ve been digging into. I think you called it the state of the World Health. What is this?

Dean Miles [00:01:18] They are the mental State of the World report done by a group called Sapien Labs. So, like Homo sapiens, sapien labs. I forget her last name, first name Laura has a Ph.D. in finance from Stanford. Also has maybe a medical degree in neuroscience. Made her money doing microlending in India. Very, very profitable. Then self-funded the sapien labs just was making observations of As the world is changing and adapting our mind and brains changing that. So then just happened to start this right before COVID. So got this initial baseline of over a million people, 34 countries participated. That was released in March of last year. The 2022 report just came out and it’s everything that we’re seeing is everything that we’re feeling. But now is no longer an opinion. There is some hard data to talk through. Things that we’re valuing and things that we’re not. So we’re valuing education. We’re valuing accomplishments we’re valuing providing materially for our families and our children. What we’re not valuing is stability within the family units. What we’re not valuing is warmth and loving. But we’re not valuing spending time together as families and then looking at how that’s tying into mental health. Fascinating.

Brilliant Miller [00:03:01] It sounds like something that could be really good for any coach to look at, to understand, like the macro trends, the environment. I mean, like you said, we’re living it, we’re feeling it, right. But then to get a better sense of what’s going on on this planet, what are other people feeling and thinking? What are they looking for? Yes. Just having Yes. An understanding of that.

Dean Miles [00:03:20] Yes. And that it is something one of the elements of the 2022 report was family and mental health and the other was friends and mental health and is looking at how well are we doing with friends, friends that we can confide in, and friends that can help us. And I like the distinction because there are some friends I had that cannot keep a secret. But they’ll help me move a couch. Yeah. Yeah. So the friends you can confide in, friends that can help you, and how important that is to have community, which is what we are intending to do with this coach and coach is commonplace is don’t be alone out there. Yeah, right. Go find committed because your mental health is determined by it.

Brilliant Miller [00:04:04] Absolutely. Is this report something? Is it free people just read online free.

Dean Miles [00:04:09] Yeah. So sapienlabs.org. It works and it’s free.

Brilliant Miller [00:04:19] That’s awesome. Well, that reminds me of another conversation you and I were in with a group of coaches where another book was discussed talking about the importance of relationships. I haven’t read it yet, I have to add it to my list, but I understand it’s based on this like 90 year study that Harvard’s been doing it, the longest scientific study of happiness, and this book was just released this January, January 2023. Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. And there’s such as you’re saying, an incredible component related to relationships.

Dean Miles [00:04:52] Yes, no doubt. Yeah. And there’s a vulnerability of the relationships because as in this mental State of the World report. When their relationships were focused on accomplishments and just focused on providing it wasn’t enough. Those are good things that don’t diminish those things, but there’s also warmth. Yeah. And just being with each other. Yeah. Equally as important.

Brilliant Miller [00:05:23] Well, you know that that reminds me of something I heard this week. I went back into the archives and I was listening to vintage Tony Robbins interviews, like 30 year old interviews. And he talked to Barbara DeAngelis at one time. She was married to you know, she’s a relationship expert and she was married to John Gray. And she was, you know, Gray wrote Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus, thins kind of thing. And she talked about intimacy, she talked about what makes relationships work and last and be fulfilling and all this. And Tony made the comment I thought was pretty insightful, pretty basic. But how often do we do it? He said, You know, the way you improve relationships is you prioritize.

Dean Miles [00:06:03] Right? Yeah, I like that.

Brilliant Miller [00:06:04] Now, what does that mean to each of us? How do we prioritize relationship? But we can, of course. And then the thing that Barbara said that I thought was a really profound insight was she talked about intimacy in her description of intimacy. She says it’s a shared experience of reality. And think about.

Dean Miles [00:06:22] That.

Brilliant Miller [00:06:23] Where couples that, you know, we have this model in our society where people will drift apart. The magic wears off, the honeymoon is over, bright. We lose intimacy. And eventually, you know, maybe we divorce or maybe we stay in this marriage and it’s not really rich and fulfilling like it once was. Right. But she says that’s not she says that’s not necessary. But what causes that is her assertion is that you stop sharing experience just like you’re saying. Yes, we can be in the same room, but we can be alone. Right. With both looking at our screen or both doing whatever we’re doing. And when we’re stop talking. And the last part of this that I thought was really encouraging, especially for coaches who, you know, work with couples. She said, Look, in my years of working with couples, I’ve seen that couples can survive.

Dean Miles [00:07:11] Virtually.

Brilliant Miller [00:07:12] Anything. The death of a child, even infidelity, you know, economic challenges like all this. If they can rekindle intimacy, if they can get back to that state where they’re sharing what’s true for them, even when it’s scary, even this might hurt their partner. But to get there and to share that experience of reality again.

Dean Miles [00:07:33] That changes the mood and it changes the outlook. And so in this SapienLabs.org, they’re not a sponsor, by the way. We’re not affiliated with this. There’s a free test. It’s a part of what Laura is saying is we need a score. So she’s calling the MHQ Your mental health quotient into this assessment, looking for mood and outlook. Your social self. Just how do you interact and relate and see yourself with respect to others? Drive and motivation, cognition, adaptability, and resilience and mind body connection. These are the six domains that make up your MHQ It’s one thing for you to do this or your wife could do this collectively, to do this with your kids, to do this. It drives a conversation of how well are we doing? Gives you intentionality and something to measure again. Because I think if you were just to ask me, Dean, how are you doing? I think my shoulders would do this. I’m fine. I think I think I think I’m good. But then I’m also going to make sure no one is listening. I’ll be like, Why? What did you hear? So there’s something thing about.

Brilliant Miller [00:08:48] You know, helps you move the couch or can you confide in me?

Dean Miles [00:08:53] Yeah, it does make me think about as I segment my friend to like. Yeah, yeah. I can’t trust that person. Can’t keep a secret. Yeah. Do the couch mover.

Brilliant Miller [00:09:02] Well, I’ll tell you. And thanks for sharing that with me, I hope. I do want to say this to those quotients, that quotient that you’re talking about. One way I think that’s super valuable is it can be an infusion of new thoughts. Right. We’re asking questions as we know as coaches, questions are like keys that can open things up. And most of the time we think the same habitual conditioned pattern thoughts. And to have something like this assessment where we can start to ask new questions, we can start to measure. Right. That’s pretty cool.

Dean Miles [00:09:37] That is cool. You sent me and a friend of ours, Robert. A quote. And then I sent you a quote back. Yeah. My quote was problems that remain persistently. Oh, that was yours. Mine was really?

Brilliant Miller [00:09:55] Okay, go ahead. Go ahead.

Dean Miles [00:09:56] If you can’t solve a problem, it’s because you’re playing by the same rules that created that. And so what you’re saying by this quoted quotient is too, you are asking yourself some different questions. So you are some different rules. Yeah. And you might end up maybe to do something different. The one you said also equally good, better. Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected as questions asked in the wrong way. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:10:27] Mr. Alister Watts.

Dean Miles [00:10:28] I love that guy.

Brilliant Miller [00:10:31] Yeah, that was one of those. As soon as I read it, like, I want to share that. I want to be in a relationship with Dean through the vehicle of this quotation.

Dean Miles [00:10:39] We need to be more intimate like we are right now.

Brilliant Miller [00:10:42] Shared experience of reality. Well, let me tell you about another experience I had if I may, please. So about two months ago, I’m in my basement doing what I love to do, reading a book just all alone, probably in my pajamas. And the book I’m reading is Wim Hoff’s book. I know he’s written a few. So I’m reading this book where he’s talking about his life. He’s talking about things he’s learned. This guy who’s known as the Iceman. Right now, he’s into these different medical studies to show the power of thought, the power of cold, the power of breath. And like all this and I put the book down as I’m probably 120 pages in like halfway through. And I thought, I wonder if this guy offers live programs or I can go media, go learn from him, go have an experience directly, and not just through, you know, these words and ideas. Right. And sure enough, I go to his website, it’s got a website, and I see, you know, he lives in the Netherlands. He’s over there in Holland. It’s about an hour outside of Amsterdam. But where I live in Salt Lake, it’s a Delta hub. There’s a direct flight like this is cool. He’s got a weekend with him, you know, small event, like 50, 60 people going to sell out. I know that guy’s on podcast, written bestselling books like all that. So I sign up and I set my wife up.

Dean Miles [00:11:57] I’m like, Let’s go.

Brilliant Miller [00:11:59] So two months pass, we find ourselves in the Netherlands. Boom. It’s a beautiful, beautiful time of year. I believe he lives there. This place. Wow, it’s throwaway. He’s so invited us, you know, he’s got this purpose-built portion of it where there’s this kind of a green house. It’s like a barn. It’s glass. It’s really cool. It’s got these mats where we sat and had discussions. We did some breathing exercises. We had a really nice lunch. And of course, we went into a tub of ice, ice water, 10 minutes on the first day up to our neck. So he did that and I took it. We did that on Saturday. We did that on Sunday. I ended up taking pages and pages of notes and I just loved it so much then. That was really fun. It was fun and it was I feel expanded. I feel refreshed, re-energized, as I said, pages of notes which I printed out in case there was anything worth sharing. But I realize, you know, there’s a few things that stood out to me that I’d love to share with you and with others who are listening.

Dean Miles [00:13:06] Yeah. So, I mean, if I if we just pause for a second what I find myself impressed with brilliant and just a lot of respect, and I’m sure a lot of us that are those that are listening to this. We’ve I’ve read books and I’ve been moved and I’ve had a thought, you know what? I’m going to go and see how I’m going to sleep. They’re available and I want to email that person. And then I don’t I talk myself into. There’s no way. That’s embarrassing. That’s silly. What am I even doing? And I think that imposter or just. My own, just procrastination. I end up not doing it. What I love about that is. 120 pages. Still in the pajamas. Close the book. See it all the way through. And so you are willing to have the worst trip of your life in order to have one of the best trips here.

Brilliant Miller [00:13:59] Yeah, I was. I was willing. Adventure right there.

Dean Miles [00:14:03] Yeah. My love language. That’s so good. So tell us. Give us a couple of the highlights.

Brilliant Miller [00:14:08] So the thing that surprised me most. Well, let me say this first. I have a cold tub in my basement now. I think it’s a thing, right? I’ve been surprised. There are a lot of companies that are selling this. And it’s kind of both mobile ones that you could travel with, like a guy who travels with a goat. Right. But there are and then there’s the permanent installation ones. And that’s what we have. And it keeps the water at 39 degrees. Okay. Or you can have it be like a toasty 50-something if you want it. But what it 39 And and part of what I love about that is it’s so visceral, is so experiential. It’s so intense. Right. And for years I’ve taught mindfulness. Done my best to practice it. And it’s one thing to sit in a room and do your best to watch your breath and things like this. You get in a tub of cold water. And it’s boom.

Dean Miles [00:14:57] Like it’s always shock and awe.

Brilliant Miller [00:14:59] It is. And then even when you’re in it to submerge fully in your head and your scalp and like all this is.

Dean Miles [00:15:06] I just told myself, like it took my breath away. Just thinking it is.

Brilliant Miller [00:15:09] It does, it does. I know. And I love it. I love it. And I want it’s something I want to share with other people. Actually, I’ve been thinking in the back, like, how do I help others to experience this? Because I’ll be honest in the moment of being in the cold, I don’t like it.

Dean Miles [00:15:24] What I said was, Let me let everyone know. Brilliant means that he does want to invite others. So he invited me. So, hey, did you want to come early and jump in the pool? I said, not a chance. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:15:44] I’m persistent. I’m going to stay with you.

Dean Miles [00:15:46] Yeah, I need to try it.

Brilliant Miller [00:15:48] So I guess the basis of this is part of why I was willing to travel like that was I felt the power of the cold. And I love one of my own statements. I’ll say the cold is righteous, the cold is merciless. You’re like, Wow, what kind of weird.

Dean Miles [00:16:04] Statements are these?

Brilliant Miller [00:16:05] But there’s a sense of it that is true. And then he has this whole thing about, Look, we have become so comfortable climate, even wearing clothing, shoes protect your feet.

Dean Miles [00:16:15] You’re almost.

Brilliant Miller [00:16:16] All your skin, you know about clothes and then climate control and all this.

Dean Miles [00:16:20] Yeah. There’s a book that I was a friend of ours who’s a pediatric adolescent psychiatrist. It’s called The Comfort Crisis. Yeah. And it’s just capturing what you just said. Yeah. And I suspect.

Brilliant Miller [00:16:35] I suspect, by the way, with what’s going on with mental health, that this is part of it, is that we’re not now we are being tested by life. We’re always being tested by life.

Dean Miles [00:16:44] Sure.

Brilliant Miller [00:16:45] But physically, like our bodies and our physiology are not being stressed as they once were. And I don’t mean to glorify the past because I think it’s a pretty good time to be alive.

Dean Miles [00:16:55] Yes.

Brilliant Miller [00:16:56] But I think part of what happens is we lose touch with our resilience. You know, we don’t know how strong we are. And so this is a chance to reconnect with some of that and with wim I didn’t realize and this is, you know, my view and I say this affectionately, I didn’t realize how much of a hippie witness, you know, he plays a drum, he plays a guitar, got long hair kind of hippie, has Yeah. And he is.

Dean Miles [00:17:24] He says.

Brilliant Miller [00:17:25] Some things that really resonated with me where he’ll say, you know, we’ve got a healthy economy, but we have a sick society, that these rates of illness, unhealthiness are just off the charts like an unprecedented obesity, cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes, you know, things that are they’re lifestyle and they’re they’re not easy to remedy any one of them for any one of us or for a society. And then all the other factors that go into it with the health care industry and pharmaceutical industry and the food, you know, and I don’t mean to make them villains, but it’s like all together it creates this, right, this thing that can be hard for any one of us to live a life of healthiness, you know, let alone a life of happiness, a life where we’re strong and functional. And so the thing that surprised me most is whimsical teaching. I understand it. I don’t mean to write. It’s just three things. Cold breath. And commitment or mindset. And the thing that came through strong throughout the weekend with Wim and these other participants is that you are stronger than you know and that it’s inside you. Like we did a process that was an hour long of like this intense breathing. And I love throughout it, as Wim is, you know, pounding the drum and he’s he’s talking and he’s saying these different things. And he said that there were there was a time where he said, no esoteric bullshit, no alien wisdom, no mushrooms. Get high on your own supply. Like this.

Dean Miles [00:19:05] He’s saying it’s in you. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:19:07] You know, and find it within you and go deep. And whatever it is that you’re connected to or committed to or yearning for. Like, find that within yourself. And I didn’t. I didn’t get that even to the point where Wim and I don’t want to mischaracterize some of his claims, but some of what he talked about, having seen my experience firsthand and working with others about what they’ve been able to cure in themselves, whether it was these very things we’re talking about or it was other things like ALS or M.S..

Dean Miles [00:19:37] Right.

Brilliant Miller [00:19:38] And obviously not everyone all the time, but it was pretty powerful then.

Dean Miles [00:19:43] Yeah. You know where my mind goes to. And we can pause if you want to, if you’ve got some more things to share. But I’m challenged by. What if someone described my coaching the way you describe the experience of the cold that or the experience of the cold breath and the mindset?

Brilliant Miller [00:20:03] What do you mean? That they reduced.

Dean Miles [00:20:07] It. No, no, no, no. I mean that if someone would describe being coached by brilliant. Is the equivalent of the shock and awe. And in revealing the street everything you just said about what we’re talking about.

Brilliant Miller [00:20:23] Oh, yeah.

Dean Miles [00:20:24] That’s how people would describe your coaching.

Brilliant Miller [00:20:27] Yeah, that is how powerful this transformation is. Like, it’ll back you up, It’ll breathe in.

Dean Miles [00:20:32] Cold is real. The coaching is. I mean, you’re just like, Wow.

Brilliant Miller [00:20:36] Yeah.

Dean Miles [00:20:37] Yeah, that’s where my mind goes. I want my coaching to be like that, to be experienced like that, to be real like that. Yeah. Well, Robert Hargrove in his book Magical Coaching, talks about when the right coach and the right leader find themselves. Sparks fly and history is made.

Brilliant Miller [00:20:54] Yeah.

Dean Miles [00:20:55] I want it to be unlike any other conversation.

Brilliant Miller [00:20:58] Yeah. I’m with you, man. And what I. I mean, my take on that of my interpretation of that is that we’re right. There’s this saying there are many paths up the mountain, but the view is always the same. Right. And these are paths are there. We’re looking for that portal into what I believe we’re looking for that portal into aliveness. Right. You can say it a lot of ways. Joy, bliss, transcendence, meaning connection.

Dean Miles [00:21:27] One loss. We’re sure you were hearing that word everywhere right now. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:21:32] And so, again, these are words that are like paths or doors. But that’s what I think we’re looking for. You know, one of my teachers I love the way he says this, that he says, in life you have a liveness and you have patterns that block aliveness. And that’s it. And we’re all looking for aliveness, but we also resist it. We fear it. We fear what it means to be true, to be fully authentic, to be ourselves, to be vulnerable, whatever. And so we it’s, you know, Joseph Campbell said. The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. It’s like we simultaneously are attracted to and repelled by the objects of our desire, by our dreams, by our hopes or aspirations. And so there’s coaching like you’re talking about. I want this. I want people to experience my coaching and me in the same way that brilliance over here talking about the power of 39-degree water.

Dean Miles [00:22:23] Yes.

Brilliant Miller [00:22:24] But well, I think we’re really talking about is aliveness.

Dean Miles [00:22:29] Yes.

Brilliant Miller [00:22:29] There’s no doubting my suspicion.

Dean Miles [00:22:32] Yeah. I mean, he had the coaching that I’m certified in. My goal that I have is to call it forth. Right. And ICF language. I really do. I believe it’s in them. Yeah. But I want the experience I’d like again to bring in. How do you see his name?

Brilliant Miller [00:22:51] Wim.

Dean Miles [00:22:53] Wim.

Brilliant Miller [00:22:53] Got it. Wim Hof.

Dean Miles [00:22:57] What we’re saying is he’s calling out all the other best.

Brilliant Miller [00:23:01] Yeah.

Dean Miles [00:23:05] You’re resourceful. You’re complete your whole. But unlock it, right? It’s in there. Yeah. I just think that. That if someone would could describe my coaching. The way you just describe this experience. And what a what a Google review that would be.

Brilliant Miller [00:23:33] Well, they might not been your clients before.

Dean Miles [00:23:37] But. No, you have not. But. I would suspect that some of your.

Brilliant Miller [00:23:43] Clients, at least for some of the sessions, might become serious.

Dean Miles [00:23:46] Yes. No. No. I appreciate you calling that out. And I would I agree with that. But I’m taking this as a challenge to even to go beyond that, but also look for my own. You know, so Wim has found. Some very tangible, real ways to get access. For his clients. Yeah. So maybe at Bridgepoint I’m not offering the cold plunge, but. But what can I provide as a vehicle to kind of help remove the obstacles to aliveness?

Brilliant Miller [00:24:21] A beautiful question.

Dean Miles [00:24:22] So I could use words and I do I could use changing geography because I give people up and we move around and we walk outside and we go in. So I’ve used some of those things, but I think I’ve got much more room to go explore and this space. To get access to aliveness. If you’ve really challenged me today.

Brilliant Miller [00:24:44] Yeah, well, I will just say this too. I think this just sends out so strongly, as I hear you say, that I look at where I am. And granted he talked about this too, but Wim, I believe, just taps right in to nature then these are natural things that are available three-point degree. I would say that he’s like, I must be a great salesman because I sell cold and air, Right? And so, yes, I think what he’s helping people do is to reconnect themselves with nature and their own innate nature. Right. And so when you talk about that, like if you were trying to like Game Planet, how would I do it? Well, right. You leverage the forces of nature that are already that we’re all always a part of.

Dean Miles [00:25:34] Well, there’s one thing he’s not using. He’s using called I’m going to use fire. I think they’ve done that with hot coals. I think that’s been done before.

Brilliant Miller [00:25:45] Yeah, that’s right.

Dean Miles [00:25:46] Across these hot coals, you’ll come alive.

Brilliant Miller [00:25:48] Now, in fairness, we did go in the sauna after.

Dean Miles [00:25:53] So full disclosure.

Brilliant Miller [00:25:55] And he said he confessed. He said, I like a hot shower.

Dean Miles [00:26:01] The iceman. Iceman still likes hot showers.

Brilliant Miller [00:26:04] That was awesome. But that’s a great point.

Dean Miles [00:26:06] I mean, when I hear. I’m still here. My mind just locked. I’m trying to think of this other quote. I sent it to my wife. I think I told you about it. It is right there by Stay With Me. By Oliver Wendell Holmes. For the simplicity on this type of complexity. I wouldn’t give you a set. But for the simplicity on the older side of complexity. For that I would give you anything I have. Well. For Wim. And now your gift to all of us. Just use nature. Yeah, sometimes it aggravates me, but the simplicity of that, I was like, because he was just right there the whole time. Yeah. Until that simplicity on this side of complexity. Right. I’ll give you everything I have for that nugget of wisdom. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:27:07] You know, Osho says that realization is not. He says it’s not a search. No, it’s awakening. He says, like awakening is not a search. It’s a realization. Right. So it’s like, what’s been there the whole time? Just recognizing what’s been there the whole time. So it’s on the other side of complexity. What seemed confusing, What seemed difficult.

Dean Miles [00:27:28] Right?

Brilliant Miller [00:27:29] Or what seemed complicated that. When we are able to sort that. I messed that quote up. What he said was enlightenment. That’s what he said. He said, Enlightenment is not a search. It’s a realization.

Dean Miles [00:27:43] Realization.

Brilliant Miller [00:27:44] And so it’s that recognition of what is already right inside of us or in front of us. Or true.

Dean Miles [00:27:52] Yes. And what you can’t replicate, I look at what I have over my left shoulder. I look at what you have behind you. You can’t replicate a first-person experience. Yeah, we can read it. It’s just not the same. I mean, all my years in pharmaceuticals, all that means that I’ve spent thousands of hours in doctor’s waiting rooms, which means I’ve read ten-year-old magazines that had been sitting there forever. I’ve read so many Golf Digest of how to hit out of the sand trap. I don’t think anyone knows more about it than I do. And I’m terrible at it because reading it is not the same as doing it. Yeah. And sometimes you have to be willing to get on a plane. And fly halfway around the world. To experience this. I mean, this is a new topic for you. But you I mean, you are reawakened. You are. We’re experiencing you in a lot.

Brilliant Miller [00:28:58] Yeah. Well, I’m excited. I mean, you know that you’ve been on this journey with me for what’s got me more than a year now. A year and a half or so.

Brilliant Miller [00:29:08] And I have I mean, I know we all go through cycles. We all go through ups and downs. You know, we have conditions that.

Dean Miles [00:29:16] We live patterns that we live, and then, you know, plateaus. And then hopefully we step up and then it’s a plateau and. Right. And I think I think that I’m on that up to the next level in certain ways in my life. Feel good about that.

Dean Miles [00:29:35] So as you should. As you should you into what? I don’t hear you saying. I don’t see you stuck in the regret of some choices that you’ve made previously. Yeah. We all just saw your face.

Brilliant Miller [00:29:48] No.

Dean Miles [00:29:49] No, but you could. We know a lot of us will do that. We get stuck. We get blocked to our aliveness. Yeah. And your willingness to take that next risk an adventure in search of aliveness so that you can experience to be the realization to.

Brilliant Miller [00:30:12] Yeah. And as you say that, I mean, I know we’re in a flap. There’s a philosophical episode a bit, isn’t it?

Dean Miles [00:30:19] My beard’s got longer as we’ve been talking, I feel. I see. I just.

Brilliant Miller [00:30:23] I see that. Well, and I think one of the challenges, too, is knowing when that is driven by restlessness. Like the I’m not enough-ness versus this is my soul yearning to grow. Right because we can distract ourselves. And on I mean, you see it. I’ve been a learning junkie for a long time, and I see people that it’s what they do is workshops and seminars and self-help programs. It’s and it’s what I do. Some for sure. I’m a perennial learner, as I know you are. But I think for a lot of my life that was drawn by that sense, that was driven by that sense of inadequacy. And it was a mixture. Like many of us, our motives aren’t ever always one thing. They’re not purely altruistic, they’re not totally selfish or anything, you know, one thing. But I think it’s worth at least asking, like, what is motivating this? Is this something that I think I’m going to fix something in myself if I just get one more degree or one more certification.

Dean Miles [00:31:22] Right.

Brilliant Miller [00:31:23] And or when are you going to wake up to the fact that you are enough or that you are perfect exactly as you are when your life is in certain ways, it doesn’t mean you’ll like it all. Right, because life is not about just what we prefer and what is comfortable or what’s familiar. It’s not just about that. But what if your life was perfect exactly as it was? What if you were perfect exactly as you were and as kinky as George says that everything in life is perfect for your enjoyment or your growth.

Dean Miles [00:31:56] So let me ask you one question and then we can transition. If you could go, if you could do have a do-over on this trip with him. Mm-hmm. Which one thing you would do different, more or lesser or differently? I mean, I don’t think anything. I like that answer.

Brilliant Miller [00:32:27] Yeah, I feel very fortunate, very blessed. To have that experience in my library. They’re just so grateful. Yeah, you know.

Dean Miles [00:32:41] Well, it just says a lot of your preparation, because sometimes I walk in those experiences and sometimes I play smaller than I wanted to. And then on the other side of that, I’m like, I wish I would have stepped into it. Less reserved, more authentic, more open. I mean, that’s just part of life. But if I had the ability to turn back time and do that moment again. Sometimes I can start off slower than was necessary. Yeah. So nice work. Nice work. Being ready.

Brilliant Miller [00:33:17] Well, thank you. Okay, So we have just a few minutes left and we usually talk. So I’d like to think what we’ve just talked about are principles that are related to good living. If people can take whatever they will from that, whether it was relationships or mental health or maybe something related to their physical health or getting curious about the cold or the Wim Hof method or whatever, a lot in there, right? We could talk a little bit about something that could help people be a great coach, something that could help them earn recognition and money. Where do you want to go with the conversation and what’s going to serve people listening?

Dean Miles [00:33:57] Well goes on. My is the idea of either. How do we pay attention with what they using notifications or this idea of what are you testing? What are you doing new to go and experiment when it comes to just your memory life, but also more specifically your practice, your coaching practice. A lot of goes to which one would you like to?

Brilliant Miller [00:34:22] I like the second one. So something that can help coaches to grow their impact and income earn recognition and money. And what you’re talking about this idea of testing. Testing things right to help grow their practice. I like that. Let’s talk about that for a few minutes.

Dean Miles [00:34:39] Yeah. The first one is just weird. You are doing it right now is this podcast. It had a different name. It was, what if we do a couple of these and see what happens to. We renamed it and rebranded and changed the format. Hey, so what if we do ten more of these? Yeah. So just even that in of itself, we didn’t have a full plan.

Brilliant Miller [00:35:04] Right.

Dean Miles [00:35:05] It’s just. Let’s go try something. Yeah. What would you add to that?

Brilliant Miller [00:35:09] Yeah, absolutely. Well, this idea of testing. So I think of it in two parts, and I will back up a little for myself to frame the conversation. In terms of a book that was recommended to me, I picked it up and looked inside a little bit. I haven’t read the whole thing, but it’s a book called Hacking Growth by Sean Ellis and Morgan Brown. The subtitle is How Today’s Fastest Growing Companies Drive Breakout Success. And these authors assert that today’s business powerhouses the book’s a few years old, but here’s what they say like Pinterest, LinkedIn, Spotify, Evernote, Facebook, Uber. They didn’t get to where they are now by merely building a great product and then crossing their fingers and hoping they would catch on. Instead, they used growth, hacking growth, hacking strategies and tactics. And then they go on to explain that the essence of growth hacking is that you carry out rapid-fire experimentation across multiple channels in different product development directions and stuff that like, as I hear it, I’m like, Oh wow, that might work for software or that might work for team, but I’m just a solopreneur. But the point is testing this idea of testing and whether and then I think of it in two broad categories that are you testing to build products like this podcast? I mean, I don’t call it a product, but are you testing to build things? If you want to write a book, are there ways you can test writing a book? Before you write, write 220 pages and publish it and send it out to the world. Can you do a chapter? Can you do a white paper? You know, other things? So testing products, programs, projects, things like that. But then there’s also, as I think Sean and Morgan here are talking about in the book, testing, marketing. That’s something I don’t have a ton of experience with myself. I don’t do the ab sand tests and I’ll do this social media post to this audience and so forth. Although of course these big companies are doing that all the time and then responding.

Dean Miles [00:37:01] Right.

Brilliant Miller [00:37:02] Right. But that’s the thought. So how can we test the things we’re building and how can we test the things we’re marketing?

Dean Miles [00:37:11] Yeah. I like the reminder of what best practice is doing. The Abbey. My own reality. And I think for aspiring coaches, you may not be able to have the resources do an ad, but start with an A and go for a bit. And. And what feedback? What are you noticing? I was just quickly jotting down over the years things that I’ve tested because it wasn’t I didn’t know what it was going to do. As I did the Forbes Coaches Council. That was a test to see what I could. I can even participate and add something of value. Because there were hundreds that were participating, but they only took the ten top answers. So was it a testing of my own language and my own perspectives? Would Ford devalue? And that was a test. And I was he was okay. And then the next thing I did was the Institute of Coaching, which is Harvard’s brand affiliation. Did some testing there that was better than the Forbes one. I’ve done conventions. Of sponsoring them and sponsoring booths and things like that. I sort of had to be on that one because I just invested a lot of money in nothing. But so that was a good experiment. I’m currently experimenting with a newsletter to see if I could do long form, but I’ve been doing short form on LinkedIn for the last year and a half. I found some language that works. I found the pictures of cats work because I did a long form. Brilliant. I mean, I really put a lot of time into it. Who are your clients in this? I didn’t get one. Even, like no one even felt like they could just hit that left-click button on the mouse. Not one. And I was like, Wow, I put so much time in this one thing. So I thought, You know what? I’m going to put a picture of a cat and see what that did. And at that time, it was my most liked post on LinkedIn ever, really. Which is really sad. So that was a test. It’s a long form. Doesn’t really work for me with the things I’m writing about on LinkedIn. So now I’m testing a newsletter. So once a week, does that seem to work? I still don’t have an answer, but I’m testing.

Brilliant Miller [00:39:44] Yeah, that’s awesome. And what it reminds me of is also knowing what you’re testing, right? Like if you have goals or assumptions that you’re writing down and as a discipline to go back and look at how well did it achieve those, because I know the mind can be a slippery place and we can have an idea, we can act on it. And that’s all commendable, right, to have that bias toward action. Right. But at the same time, we could get to the end of the test. And if we don’t have that reference of, well, what were we hoping to accomplish or what we’re hoping to learn right, then it can be and I’ve heard this with decisions to like making, which I guess the test is a decision put in an envelope. Right. Go through the course of action and then go back and look at it. And in a in a future conversation, I want to talk about a creative brief as a way to do that, because that’s something that I’ve used when I’ve run these tests. When I created the School for Good Living podcast, when I created the Lives of Best Practices coaching program, that I did take the time at the outset to sit down and write a brief outlining the audience and the goals and the tone and some of the other creative elements and then the mechanical and logistical. But I think a test can be strengthened when we have that as a reference to refer back to after the test is over.

Dean Miles [00:41:09] It again. It’s so obvious when you say it. But so is blocking and tackling. Right. We started the people at the dispersal play and forget some of these building blocks. You’re exactly right, because I do. I forget. And it’s it’s not to either go back into. Can that are something where I could see the iterations of my of my visual representation of the company. So, you know, on my LinkedIn headline now, and I’m trying a language of unlocking the eye and lock in line leaders. That’s new language for me. So I’m trying to see, you know, So what’s my test? I’m trying to see if I hear my clients use it. And I am so I know that’s good or bad, but. But it’s working. Was also adding my signature to some of my marketing materials. Yeah, and I get a lot of positive comments from current clients as they’re scrolling by when they see that. They know it’s me and they’ll stop and pause on it. So that’s been interesting. But I do if you ask me what was my experiment five years ago? And so, Dean, what was your goal when you tried that? I don’t remember. Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:42:30] Which. Good for you for taking action. I mean, that’s great.

Dean Miles [00:42:33] Yeah, that’s a good reminder.

Brilliant Miller [00:42:34] The most out of that action.

Dean Miles [00:42:37] This is a creative brief, you call it.

Brilliant Miller [00:42:39] Yeah. This is something I learned from a friend of mine who’s been a dear, dear friend for many years and a great teacher. And it’s something, to be honest. And I’ve been meaning to write a little blog post or an article about it, like what it is and how to do it, because it’s been so valuable in so many ways. By the way. Well, I maybe shouldn’t say this on the recording, but I began one either a creative brief or project brief either one. I many people who work in the marketing communication world will be familiar with those kinds of things. But many of us who are just, you know, run of the mill entrepreneurs don’t necessarily write or slow down to do it, but it can be so helpful to clarify your own thinking and that to get other people’s input and then to have something durable to refer back to. But this is what I was going to tell you, is that I started one or an authors and publishers and marketers convenings. Yeah, yeah, I started one and then at some point I’ll share it with you and have you respond to it or not too. Yeah.

Dean Miles [00:43:35] Yes, I’d like to do that. So I’m also thinking I want I’m going to, I’m going to participate with chat getting. And in a Q and A dialog with me to help me create a. Creative brief. Cool. And that’s.

Brilliant Miller [00:43:52] Awesome.

Dean Miles [00:43:53] Then I’m one of these. I’ll share it.

Brilliant Miller [00:43:55] You have a project in mind for it? Is it the newsletter or something else?

Dean Miles [00:43:58] Yeah, I’d like to do with the newsletter. Awesome. I mean, so it’s only been out for three weeks. I’ve got 500 and something subscribers and Dean. So pretty excited about. Yeah, I.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:10] Mean, I do. I sign up. I didn’t. Why am I just learning about this stuff?

Dean Miles [00:44:15] I can’t let you know everything right off the bat.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:17] You got to keep it.

Dean Miles [00:44:19] It’s on LinkedIn and Substack.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:22] Well, that’s why I haven’t found it. I don’t look at social media very much, but. But I want to sign up, so. Substack. Okay, I’m going to Substack right now. How do I find it?

Dean Miles [00:44:31] So my name and it’s called the Unlocker.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:35] The Unlocker. So Substack. Search Substack. The Unlocker.

Dean Miles [00:44:41] And you’re going to see. You should see my face.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:43] Boom! I see you. I’m at it. But I’m going to add you on Substack. And I don’t frequent substack. It’s going to email me.

Dean Miles [00:44:50] Yes.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:51] Okay.

Dean Miles [00:44:52] I just make sure it goes to your junk email.

Brilliant Miller [00:44:55] I’m subscribing with the email account I actually used in.

Dean Miles [00:44:59] Yeah. So for those that are listening, you can go to Substack, but it’s also on LinkedIn, so you can search on LinkedIn, the Unlocker. So that’s I’m trying that language. To see if people. Relate to it. Not right now. That’s not the right word. I’m not a marketing person. If they read that resonates with them, that’s, you know, they’re looking for. Oh, yeah. I’m looking for some good strategies to unlock potential. Let’s go to the Unlock our newsletter. Just told you. I’m not telling.

Brilliant Miller [00:45:34] You again, okay? I am signing up.

Dean Miles [00:45:37] Not you.

Brilliant Miller [00:45:37] All. Now it’s. I’m on your side. You have 500 people sign up for this.

Dean Miles [00:45:43] Yeah, That’s awesome. Don’t act so surprised. No, that’s. I’m just like. Do you like this?

Brilliant Miller [00:45:49] No, I’m just saying, like, 500, three weeks old. Dean, that’s. That’s freaking awesome.

Dean Miles [00:45:56] Yeah. And so Scott Osment, friend of ours, one of the coaches, put it on his newsletter. There’s 34,000 subscribers of. Hey, go pay attention. You should go check out this, the Unlocker newsletter. So that was very cool.

Brilliant Miller [00:46:15] That is very cool. Well, good. Well, I have the sense that some of our coaches commonplace conversations must be based on what you have written on the Unlocker.

Dean Miles [00:46:27] Okay.

Brilliant Miller [00:46:28] So we’ll try that.

Dean Miles [00:46:29] Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. I think that’s a great idea. And I need a creative brief. So all this stuff comes together. I mean, what I like about what you and I have done so far with this, this coach and coach is commonplace is that we’re not coming here as experts. We’re coming here as we’re experimenting, too. Yeah, I mean, we’ve got this goal. We think coaching is the right vehicle to to bring about change, to partner in, assist someone, the call to call out, to bring forth for them to experience something that’s real. Yes. So as we’re reading things and experimenting with things at the same time, trying to live a good life. Right. You’re trying to define what the hell does that even mean? Yeah.

Brilliant Miller [00:47:15] Yeah. What does it mean? How to do it? And what you said about this, it just reminded me of the quote by Joseph Campbell. I love this quote, that life is a guy trying to play a violin solo in public while learning the music and his instrument at the same time. And I would have had it if that were my original quote, naked.

Dean Miles [00:47:35] Yeah. Yeah. Under the seats.

Brilliant Miller [00:47:37] But we’re all just figuring it out. We’re all just making it up as we go. Right. Doing our best.

Dean Miles [00:47:43] I think one of the newsletters I wrote is sometimes you have the etcetera, and sometimes etcetera has you. And that’s the story of my life.

Brilliant Miller [00:47:55] Yeah.

Dean Miles [00:47:56] Sometimes I have it, sometimes it has me.

Brilliant Miller [00:48:00] Dean. I have enjoyed this conversation. I’m grateful for the shared experience of reality that we have here that I’ve enjoyed today. I would say we’ve enjoyed, but could only speak for myself. But it’s been awesome to connect with you again, and I’m grateful to you, my friend.

Dean Miles [00:48:18] Right back at you. And thank you for sharing with us on your trip. I mean, that was a personal thing that you and your wife did, but I think we were all inspired to go find our version of that. If you read something, take the risk, email the author, email the expert in it, and go participate. Yep. Awesome.

Brilliant Miller [00:48:39] And I’m going to keep inviting you into the cold plunge. So.

Dean Miles [00:48:44] Okay.

Brilliant Miller [00:48:45] You ready for.

Dean Miles [00:48:45] I’m going to say yes right here in front of all of our audience. Do it and I’ll report on it.

Brilliant Miller [00:48:52] Awesome. I love it. All right. Well, to everybody listening, thank you as well. Hope you found something here that was useful to you. Put it into practice. Make the world a little better place. Help make this a world where coaching truly is a possibility for everyone.